Commentators
| What they say: | What they mean: |
| He's a seasoned player | He's past it! |
| He's a loyal club player | Nobody else will have him! |
| He'll be disappointed with that | That was crap! |
| He's dangerous in the box | He scores a lot of own goals! |
| The Goalie's weak on crosses | Couldn't catch a cold! |
| He's terrier like | Likes to rub your leg after he scores! |
| He's a good squad player | He gets a game if they're desperate! |
| A natural leader | A bossy git! |
| Competitive! | Dirty! |
| Very competitive! | Lethal! |
| Good, steady player | Boring! |
| Creative | Oscar-wining dives! |
| Two-footed | And useless with either one! |
| Good defensive outfit | Like watching paint dry! |
| He's going through a lean spell at the moment | That striker is crap! |
| I have every confidence in the manager | He won't last the rest of this week |
