Calls to our IT helpdesk...........
IT helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one.......
Customer: Hi, this is Maureen. I can't get my diskette out of the computer.
IT helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the eject button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
IT helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll take some details.
Customer: No , wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry!
IT helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
IT helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you?
Customer: Hello... I can't print.
IT helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and...
Customer: Listen pal, don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.
Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print.
Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'.
I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it!
Customer: I have problems printing in red.
IT helpdesk: Do you have a colour printer?
Customer: Ah....................thank you.
IT helpdesk: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at Woolies.
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
IT helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: I don't know. I can't get in behind the computer.
IT helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK. I've done that.
IT helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
IT helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...
IT helpdesk: Your temporary password is the small letter a as in apple, capital letter V as n Victor and the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
IT helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague type it.
IT helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Yes, seven stars.
IT helpdesk: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
IT helpdesk: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry......Internet Explorer.
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has put a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
IT helpdesk: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
IT helpdesk: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get that circle around it?
Customer: I have a problem with my printer.
IT helpdesk: Are you running it under Windows?
Customer: No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. Bill is sitting at the desk next to me and is under a window, and the printer is working fine for him.
and the best 'til last .....
Customer: I'm having trouble with Microsoft Word.
IT helpdesk: What sort of trouble?
Customer: Well, I was just busy typing and all of a sudden the words went away.
IT helpdesk: Went away?
Customer: They disappeared.
IT helpdesk: So what does your screen look like now?
Customer: Nothing.
IT helpdesk: Nothing?
Customer: It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.
IT helpdesk: Are you still in Word, or did you close it down?
Customer: How do I tell?
IT helpdesk: Can you see the C:\ prompt flashing on the screen?
Customer: What's a sea-prompt?
IT helpdesk: Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?
Customer: There isn't any cursor. I told you, it won't accept anything I type.
IT helpdesk: Does your monitor have a power indicator?
Customer: What's a monitor?
IT helpdesk: It's the thing that looks like a TV screen. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?
Customer: I don't know.
IT helpdesk: Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?
Customer: Yes, I think so.
IT helpdesk: Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall and switched on.
Customer: .......Yes, it is.
IT helpdesk: When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?
Customer: No.
IT helpdesk: Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.
Customer: .......Okay, here it is.
IT helpdesk: Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.
Customer: I can't reach it.
IT helpdesk: OK. Well, can you see if it is?
Customer: No.
IT helpdesk: Even if you maybe lean way over?
Customer: Oh, it's not because I can't get access to it - it's because it's dark.
IT helpdesk: Dark?
Customer: Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
IT helpdesk: Well, turn on the office light then.
Customer: I can't.
IT helpdesk: Why not?
Customer: Because we've had a power cut.
IT helpdesk: A power cut? OK, now I've got it sorted. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?
Customer: Yes, I keep them in the closet.
IT helpdesk: Good! Go and get them, and unplug your computer and screen and pack it up just like it was when you got it.
Then take it back to the store you bought it from.
Customer: Really? Is it that bad?
IT helpdesk: Yes, I'm afraid it is.
Customer: Well, OK then. But what do I tell them in the store?
IT helpdesk: Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!
If you have any more IT bloopers to impart, let us know by email.
