The quotes on this page relate to a genuine publication: Carroll County News, the newspaper of Greater Carroll County, Arkansas covering: Eureka Springs, Berryville, Green Forest and surrounding areas. As you'll see, if you follow this link, the Carroll County News is the newspaper for the local community.
However, the recorded police dispatches for the three main cities mentioned above often make great reading; not least because they have a great turn of phrase: "officers mediated a verbal domestic disturbance", "there was a spousal problem", "an unhappy customer problem", "there was a suspicious circumstance" and the Berryville Fire department is always "toned out" to an emergency. Most of the time the officers appear to arrive just too late to take action on the call out, so now they've taken to adding riders to the reports such as "...when officers arrived two minutes later", and they can never locate the source of "loud music" and the number of dogs running loose is unbelievable!
We can't guarantee amusement every time but we like the way incidents are recorded and think it's well worth a visit (although Green Forest tends to be pretty boring and succinct).
We've selected what we consider to be the best reports since 2003 - there are hundreds more on the actual pages. We do not intend updating this page weekly, so follow the link to the newspaper site and keep yourself up to date. We've added our thoughts (in italics) after some of the reports.
The following extracts are copied word for word from the newspaper (for your convenience new entries are posted at the top of this list):
An unknown person reported a blue crotch rocket was being driven erratically...... ~ should that be erotically?
An intoxicated woman reported an intoxicated man driving an old Chrysler New Yorker from Cliff Street to Ark. Hwy. 23 or to Berryville. Eureka Springs Police and Carroll County Sheriffs officers were notified. ~ pot, kettle, black springs to mind!
A grey Cherokee with black stripe was reported being driven fast in the lot at the high school.~ How! (native American joke)
A complaint was made about two subjects having intimate relations in their car at a West Van Buren motel. No report was required.
A driverless vehicle was reported to be slightly moving at Spring and Mountain Streets.
An attempted to assist a motorist who was locked out of a vehicle was thwarted when the motorist left before police arrived.
Screaming at a Railroad address turned out to be a subject on the way to the emergency room.
A dog was reported to be holding passengers of a car hostage at Catfish Cabin.
It was reported that a drunken woman keeps calling 911 to complain that bars will not serve her any more alcohol.
Police were dispatched to McDonalds because of a group of unwelcome boys. They were told to leave until their welcome was restored. ~ super turn of phrase
Police were dispatched to Pioneer Park to investigate a report of two young boys fighting. Police checked, they were wrestling. ~ that's OK then.
A person at Basin Park was reported jumping around and screaming. An officer decided the person was trying to sing, and advised the person to sing softer.
Missing furniture was reported missing from cottages on Eugenia.
A tourist at a motel reported that a fur coat and cash were taken from her room. A report was taken. ~ in addition to the coat and cash?
An officer investigated a report of a front door that kept opening at a Spring Street business and determined that there was a problem with the yellow door. ~ lemon entry, Dr Watson.
An officer responded to a report of two German Shepherds running loose on Mountain Street ~ it must have been the 'crooks' that gave them away?
An officer investigated a report of a truck on Spring Street at Basin Park which had reportedly been idling for more than 30 minutes. The sound was not the truck engine, but its refrigeration unit.
Police were dispatched to the Public Square because a subject was reportedly passed out in a red Buick with two children. ~ a Buick with two children? Minis?
A women attempted to file a report about her housekeepers bad cleaning job.
Police were dispatched to a Country Court address because a stray dog was hanging around. ~ picture it, arms folded, dark glasses, cigarette in mouth, leaning against the wall.
Police were dispatched to a highway location to look for a vehicle containing fighting subjects.
A stray dog was picked up. An officer responded to a report of a dog running loose on Arch Ave., and a male lab was picked up. A report of a barking dog on Cherry St. proved unfounded. Two stray dogs were picked up. A dog which had been picked up and held at the pound was returned to its owner. An officer responded to a dog complaint on Rainbow Pl., and left a message for the owner. A dog was returned to its own yard after a dog complaint on Thorne Ave. ~ what is it with dogs today?? 10:18 p.m. - A traffic accident near Tyson Foods involved a car and a cow. ~ ah, that's better!
Concerned citizen reported that water was coming from the ground by the train station. Officer responded and found it to be the sprinkler system.
A false alarm was set off at a bank at the top of Planer Hill. ~ next time use a real alarm!
Police were dispatched to Locust Heights to investigate a report of a subject laying face down bleeding. It was kids playing with fake blood.
A dog running loose near Cattlemen’s was causing traffic problems, but he eluded police pursuit and escaped. ~ They same thing happened with a couple of tortoises last year.
A dead cat was picked up on Carroll Ave. A dead critter on Phillips Ave. at Sixth St. was picked up. ~ It's all go in Green Forest.
A Spring Street shopkeeper reported theft of property and said he would charge the item to the customer’s credit card. ~ super wheeze!
After a report of someone racing a lawn mower in the street near Tiger Stadium, an officer warned the driver to stay off city streets. ~ in a change from the norm he needs a 'keep of the the street' sign, or a 'get on the grass' sign.
An officer responded to a report of an aggressive dog on Rose Street. The dog charged the officer (shouldn't that be the other way around?), who sprayed the dog and warned the owner to put up a brown pit bull. ~ ????
A brindle pit bull mixed breed reportedly running loose on West Van Buren could not be found.~ no wonder with such a poor description!
The BFD assisted Green Forest firefighters with a fire at the Exxon station, which turned out to be smoke only.~ but there's no smoke without fire!
Officer dispatched to the intersection of Freeman and Springfield streets because kids were rolling tires in the roadway. The tires were found, but not the kids.
Report investigated of a vehicle illegally parked at Wal-Mart. It was determined vehicle was owned by subject currently in jail.~ bet he got a ticket anyhow
Police were dispatched to McDonalds to investigate a report of an unhappy customer pounding on the window. ~ was he a quarter pounder?
Police went to a Cherry Street address to serve a warrant but found that the subject had moved to California.
Police had the owner of a Honda car move it from a West Church Street location because it was in the street. ~ they just hate Japanese cars in Arkansas
Report received that a mother dog and two pups were walking near U.S. 62 and Ark. 21 intersection. No sign of animals upon arrival. ~ bitch!
Police spoke with a subject reportedly exhibiting odd behaviour at McDonalds. ~ we told you mad cow disease wasn't completely wiped out!
Police found a window open at a school. ~ it's all go in Eureka Springs!
Police responded to a one-vehicle traffic accident involving a tree on U.S. Hwy. 62.
Police were dispatched to Main Theatre because subjects were loitering. There were no loiters [sic] when police arrived.
Police were dispatched to an area near the nursing home because cows were running loose. Police checked and all was okay. ~ moooove along please?
Police initiated a traffic stop and arrested an adult female on a warrant. ~ how do you ride a warrant?
Police were dispatched to Parkview Drive to investigate a report of a suspicious vehicle. It was boys knocking on girls windows. All was okay.
Police advised panhandlers at the White Oak Station to cease and leave. They did.
Police responded to Carroll House Apartments where a man an woman were yelling, and the man was throwing items out of the residence. One person was arrested. ~ we're guessing it was the man!
Police were dispatched to the hospital to speak to a subject who wanted questions answered. ~ just like mastermind?
Police were dispatched to a Sunrise Motel room to speak to a subject who wanted a conversation. ~ police offer lonely hearts club service?
Police responded to a report of criminal mischief at a trailer park on Valley View Road. A car window was broken, but no action was taken because it was stated that a lawnmower did it. ~ what?
Police responded to a disturbance call on US Hwy 62. It was reported to be just a verbal agreement. ~ eh?
Police responded to a report of suspicious circumstances.
The BFD was toned out for a brush fire on Hwy. 21 South near Crystal Mountain. The hard-to-find tiny blaze was out when fire-fighters located it.
Officer investigated a report of subject stuck in a motel vending machine. Vendor unlocked the machine and freed a raccoon!
A discount store employee reported that a shoplifter stomped on purloined merchandise when confronted.
An officer decided no report was warranted after being informed that an unmetered dwelling was receiving electricity through an extension cord connected to a local thrift shop. ~ super wheeze!
Upon receiving a 911 call saying someone had overdosed on meth, the call was forwarded to the sheriff's office The message was then sent back to the Eureka Springs 911 system. Attempts to relay the message to the sheriff's office were unsuccessful as deputies were already on-line copying the message directly !
An officer took a "guitar with weird writing" abandoned in Basin Park to headquarters
An anonymous caller reported a cannon firing in Greenwood Hollow Officers were unable to locate it
An officer filed a vandalism report after he found a No Parking sign in the back of a vehicle parked in a reserved spot on Center St
A caller asked an officer to watch for paintballers downtown. None was spotted. ~ very punny?
An officer inspected a Steele St mailbox and decided the contents were not, as reported, a snake.
An officer had a word with the spokesman for a barking dog at the end of Wall St. ~ only in America could a dog have a spokesman?
The police chief recorded a report from a woman who alleged her husband committed bigamy while visiting local attractions.
A father and son outing ended in a trip to the hospital and jail after fluid leaking from their damaged vehicle betrayed their whereabouts.
An intoxicated subject was arrested after refusing to get out of the back seat of a stranger's car parked at a local liquor store
An officer found vehicles in Leatherwood Park after hours They were found to belong to the dam repairmen who live there. ~ those dam repairmen get everywhere!
An officer was unable to find an "aggressive-looking raccoon," reportedly running loose near Grand and Dairy Hollow.
The animal control officer reported that dogs chasing cars on Wall St , "hadn't caught any yet ". ~ must try harder?
An officer found nothing worth reporting about a subject resting in the cemetery
Officers reported a laundromat vending machine cleaned out. ~ very punny?
An officer was unable to run down a subject reportedly lying in Mountain St
An officer could not locate any drunk women matching the description of one reported on South Main St
An officer relayed an alderman's request that police cars in the "lights and sirens parade" not use their sirens on Spring St. ~ so just a lights parade then?
Loud music reported at Shaver and Freeman Unable to locate. ~ deaf as a post.
A man singing loudly on Owen St was mistaken for music. ~ not a X factor winner then?
The animal control officer spoke with a pet owner whose Boxers were loose. ~ its good to get the breeze blowing around your nether-regions!
Police were dispatched to the golf driving range to investigate a report of a reckless driver. ~ very punny?
Police transported a subject to jail on a public intoxication charge ~ why not put him on a bus instead?
Police were dispatched to an Easy Street home to investigate a garbled 911 call Police reported that everything was okay The residents were intoxicated
Caller reported a water leak behind court house Officer reported it was not a leak, it was the sprinkler system
Child in car at Dollar Tree was out on officer's arrival
Suspicious circumstances cleared up at laundromat ~ yuk!
Police checked two people who were at the city park
Told kids to quit shooting fireworks at Locust Heights
Officer responded to a report of an altercation in parking lot between bride and groom with members of the wedding party trying to calm them down.
Caller reported a German Shepherd running loose
Police were dispatched to the police department to take a report
Pack of dogs running loose at Community First Bank Unable to locate
Caller reported magic props and two doves left in Basin Park
An officer told a Spring St restaurant employee where to stuff his trash
Caller reported dogs running loose and bothering her animal (?)
11:00 Police checked on a Mexican dance
12:00 Police were at the Mexican dance ~ must have been a good party then!Police transported a subject to jail
Another subject was transported to jail
A third subject went to jailCaller reported a speeding yellow moped on North Main ~ speeding moped? Impossible!
A shop owner asked police to turn down the volume on the "Soothing Sunday Morning Music in the Park" concert
A door-to-door statue vendor, identified by the large alarm clock he was carrying, was advised against peddling ~ I can't see the connection - statue-clock?
An officer replaced a sidewalk grating after kids created a real tourist trap on upper Spring St. ~ very punny?
An officer determined that a couple reportedly, "fighting for the last seven hours" were only having a conversation on their back porch
Prank calls at the emergency room Officer answered the next one and calls ceased. ~ result
Caller reported seeing a missing person at tavern Subject was not the missing person, but was arrested anyhow for public intoxication after being found passed out on the stairs. ~ wrong place, wrong time.
Police transported a subject from the town square to jail for having an open container ~ the slightest thing in the mid-west!
A loud crash at the front door prompted a high school employee to call the police. Officers found no damage to the front door but an adjacent beer bottle was totaled ~ a totalled beer bottle??
Following a call from a B&B operator, an officer was unable to intercept a woman on her way home to Oklahoma who was one suitcase short of a full load ~ very punny?An officer advised a Wall St resort operator about the proper procedure for extracting money from reluctant guests.
Accident report taken on deer versus vehicle incident ~ marvellous turn of phrase
Praying mantis found in child's room Officer removed insect
Officers asked a Dairy Hollow motorcycle tinkerer to let the neighbors get some sleep
A vehicle red-tagged Thursday on Washington St had been moved and now blocked even more of a driveway
Subjects who stole ice from a US62E gas station melted into the night before officers arrived ~ very punny?
An officer spoke with subjects testing the law of gravity from atop a US62E observation tower ~ marvellous turn of phrase
The sheriff's department asked officers to be on the lookout for stolen Wal-Mart shopping carts which may be headed for Eureka Springs
The East Mountain owner of an already cremated pet discovered it had been shot by a shotgun ~ a real double whammy!
An officer was unable to locate a suspicious vehicle said to be killing time in the cemetery. ~ very punny?
An officer spoke with a boy brandishing a toy pistol and demanding candy from trick-or-treaters on Prospect St. ~ picture the scene!
Acting on faulty information from Missouri, three officers detained a subject driving a reportedly stolen vehicle After discovering that the vehicle had not been stolen, the driver was charged with lack of insurance. ~ wrong place, wrong time.
Officer requested to close courthouse door. Mayor closed it ~ Ah, shame!
Officer closed auditorium door ~ result!
Officers found only wet footprints when they responded to a complaint that motel guests were swimming after hours.
An officer found a church door agape on the historic loop.
An officer advised a subject he needs a business license to sell satellite service out of a tent.
An officer advised holiday celebrants to "stay away from each other," following his investigation of a "turkey dinner dispute" on Pivot Rock Rd
Officers were summoned to a parking dispute on First St but took no official action since the matter was "settled with violence " ~ whew!
An officer reported a dead deer in a US62E motel room apparently entered through a broken window. ~ it must have been shattered!
