"You join us in time for the Wee-Tears derby game.....", said the soccer commentator on the radio. "Switch off that Sunderland versus Middlesbrough match again!", I yelled. "We need to be expedious in doing this work. We're getting seven or eight calls a day to as many as none and I'm almost about to give up the goat! There's no absolute way to be absolutely sure but I think everything I've used I've already used up and now I think we need to accentuate some emphasis at a different angle." That got everyone's attention. "I'm going out for a while", I said, "when I return I want some clear thoughts on this anniversary celebration or we'll be having more fighty cuffs! Open your ears and smell the coffee!" With that said, I stormed out.
On reflection, I realised that my staff had been working under tremendous pressure. They had to do work last night, you know, in the middle of the dark. Mary is having her choresterol checked regularly following a cesary section and for a while, Joe, who'll be 44˝ on his next birthday, thought he had prostrate castor. Billy has also had a nasty case of poison ivory and his wife has got a lot of things going on femininely. They all work like truncheons really and the last thing we need is another black apple rocking the boat and........sorry, I'm almost overcome with emulsion.
Well, there's a time and a place for spontaneity so I decided to go the beach on the sperm of the moment, even though the dark clouds looked a bit anonymous and the fog had been really fecal all day, moving in an out all morning. Fortunately the train had just landed at Waterloo station so I hopped on a found myself a seat in first class; a trip to Paris might be just what I needed. The carriage was fairly empty, apart from a few business types with their PDAs - palm top computers, for those of you not au pair with that acronym. They're like Jeff, he loves gadgets or anything state of the arc.
As always, there were one or two people on their mobile phones, "You're coming in loud and queer.", said one, no doubt to one of his high-fangled business pals with their Bryl-o-creemed hair. "Yah, they're having a 20/50 disco at the party tonight......sorry I can't make it as planned, something really important has cocked up.", he droned on. I make no qualms about it, I had to laugh when a sudden gust of wind blew all of his papers ascrew.
To take my mind off the need to get the anniversary celebrations organised I read the daily paper. Apparently there was a lot happening out there in the world: In the USA, a car crash had claimed the life of a Lycoming County motorist for the second time in as many days; In the middle east there had been more explosions last night, at night; According to a health spokesman, by 2006, people between the age of 65 and 69 years are predicted to grow by 39%, and people between 70 and 74 years by 16% - actually, I have noticed elderly people getting taller; In the world of sport, Ellen McCarthy had sailed around the world in a cattle meringue and Roger Clemens was only one win away from baseball mortality. Personally, I like that cricket player called Telescopic and I've always been impressed with Figaro who plays for Real Madrid.
After what seemed like an age, the train arrived in Paris. No sooner had I stepped on to the platform when a young lady was poking a tin in my face and demanding cash for 'blind dogs for the guides', or something like that, I'm not very au pair with the local French dialect. It's like 'Riverdance', I can't understand them when they sing in garlic. However, within minutes I was strolling along the Chanderliersay - I was on cloud 15. I passed a local pub that I've visited before but it was too busy, people were packed in like sardines round a honey pot. However, there's a small restaurant I know just off the main road; time for a bite to eat, I thought, and maybe I could consider the ISMS celebrations in a more relaxed atmosphere.
