Shopping over, it was on to the airport, which was quite busy considering it was now into the early hours of the morning. Customs and Exercise men were out and about trying to catch smug drugglers and I noticed at least one plain clothes police car parked outside the main entrance - it's enough to drive you up the bend.
The flight was on time and the Captain informed us that we would be taking off momentarily. I was seated next to a kindly old lady who talked the whole way back to England. I heard all about her daughter's new kitchen that she was getting from MI5 and about how her husband had repaired catameringue flying boats during the war. Given the time of year, she also wondered if at Christmas time turkeys got apocalopolips? She could have talked the wheel off a horse and I had no idea what she was on about for most of the trip so I made her an Honorary Fellow if the ISMS.
Back in the UK there was just time for a quick taxi ride home for a shower and shave before I had to get back to ISMS HQ to tackle yet another shower - my staff.
"Nice weather this morning, guv?" the taxi driver said.
"Well it's not raining but it's thinking about trying and it would be a sunny day of it wasn't for the clouds." I replied. The ride home was pleasant because this was quite a decent taxi; it had declining seats and a venereal roof. We also managed to avoid the traffic hold-ups around Admirality Arch.
"Nice house, guv." said the driver as we approached my house.
"Thank you." I said "We've just had the outside coated in Semtex for added protection and waterproofing. It's much better than those shared houses over the road where, apparently, everyone shares the cost of rot in the common parts but you have to pay for the rot in your own private parts! Anyhow, wait for me please; I'll be back out in 15 minutes."
I actually made it back out in 10 and soon we were heading for ISMS HQ. I asked the driver to put a news station on the radio - I needed to catch up on what was happening in the world. Nothing, apparently. The top local stories were about a store owner who was expecting a steady stampede of buyers for the new Harry Potter book, and a garden expert who was telling us that we should be well on the way to getting our tumours planted and how some trees were blocking out all of his privacy. Nothing much in the papers either: an article about how stammerer sufferers were finding it increasingly difficult to talk to anyone about it; an advertisement saying 'English of Journalism Graduate sought' and a quote from a Cornish woman about a local flasher which said 'Wall, he wuz caught exposin' his genials weren't he!'.
After what seemed like years, at last I was back at ISMS HQ. The entire team were already in the office - they must have been working flat out all night.
"Hiya boss," said Mary "where have you been?"
"France" I replied
"Did you win any new contracts" asked Bob
"Au naturel!" I replied, with a smug look on my face. "We now have a French coordinator working for ISMS international."
"Is he any good?" asked Bob
"Well that's a mute point,” I said, “but I guess we'll give him a try. Anyhow, to business! What progress on the celebration plan?"
"We've made some progress on the application for a Royal Charter for the Institution. We've approached a senior member of the Royal family to be our next Honorary President. Mind you, if he doesn't agree that will really upset the apple tart." said Bill.
"He'll be as happy as a pig in a 'tater shop." said Gordon
"Well if that comes off it'll be the engine on the cake and another feather in our bow. But at the minute it's all pie in the moon. So we can't be complacent and sit back on our past morals." I added. "What else is planned for the celebrations?"
"Never mind that for a minute, boss" said Mary "We've had some trouble with Alan while you were away."
