Nothing is ever sencrosanct and I could tell that more mutiny was a foot! That night, my head researcher rang me at home. He sounded gropey on the ‘phone but, as he’s my one-eyed wonder boy, I pretended not to notice.
‘I need to see you about these tenderisation documents.’, he said. Well, I might have a brain like a cow’s udder and maybe I can’t tell one hand from the left, but my inclinations are usually right ninety nine times out of ten. I thought, ‘This sounds like a double-barrelled sword to me!'. ‘Pull the other bell it’s got legs on!’, I said, and a furious row ensued. As a result I told him to stop running around by the hare and hounds and hand in his resignation. I was sorry to have to do that but it's just another hurdle we’ll have to carry. We had a whip-round for him before he left, so I was able to chip-up and cough-in for him.
Little did I realise that he had escaped in the skin of time. I was being put under tremendous pressure to publish my preliminary findings on my search for genuine isms. All the can was on my shoulders and I was working so hard I felt that I might end up in an ITU unit. I was having nightmares everyday and beginning to get bald hair. I tried aquapuncture but that was no good so I decided to take a foreign holiday abroad. I went to Spain because I love those Spanish flamingo dancers.
The holiday was like a breadth of fresh air. After three weeks in the sun I came back to the UK as brown as a badger. However, there was more disaster. My female member had been sexually raped and the other two staff were as drunk as wheel barrows. This was about as funny as a crutch! I had no intention of giving up the towel and I had to keep things in prospective; after all, I was still better than any one of them put together. My view of my staff could be summed up using the three L’s: sick, lame and lazy! They should have been put down and shot, but I just fired them instead!
My isms research was grinding to a halt. I just sat around cowpatulating for two months: June, July and August. It was six an two thirds whether or not I continued; everything was back in the mental pot. I had a week’s tossle before I came to a decision. I still held the highest majority and I was now even more determined to publish my isms research and, if possible, establish an Institution to preserve my work.
