Job adverts
| What they say: | What they mean: |
| Competitive salary | We pay slightly less than our competitors |
| Applicant must be career minded | Female applicants must be childless and remain so |
| Flexible working hours | You will work any hours we want |
| Duties may vary week on week | Anyone can boss you around |
| Must have an eye for detail | Our quality control stinks |
| Apply in person | Fat, ugly or old people will be told that the post is filled |
| Join our fast-paced company | We don't have time to train you |
| Casual work atmosphere | We don't pay enough to expect you to wear a suit |
| Some overtime will be required | Every night and every weekend |
| Broad experience necessary | Because you'll be doing the work of three people |
| Administrative Assistant | Bottom of the pecking order and slave to all |
| Good career prospects | Minimum wage and 75 hours per week |
| Must be target-orientated | You'll be three months behind target on your first day |
| Problem-solving skills are a must | We don't have a clue what we're doing! |
| We like to give our employees a free hand | If they cock it up we can deny responsibility |
| Requires leadership skills | You'll be a supervisor in all but name and salary |
