// Author:The Chairman & Chief Executive // isms.org.uk // isms2002@btinternet.com // last update April 2010 quotes=496; ism=new Array(quotes); auth = new Array(quotes); ism[0] = "Examples from the ism database"; ism[1] = "ism #2: He drove past Penshaw ointment"; ism[2] = "ism #4: That's imperial to me"; ism[3] = "ism #5: Are you casting nasturtiums at me?"; ism[4] = "ism #6: Someone is making insinuendos"; ism[5] = "ism #7: He drove over Redroof Bridge"; ism[6] = "ism #8: Someone has been making allegations ......... I want the alligators to own up now!"; ism[7] = "ism #16: There was a highjacked autojugger across the road"; ism[8] = "ism #18: Take a hysterical reference period"; ism[9] = "ism #21: We can't have that brandied about"; ism[10] = "ism #22: A new war film ........ 'Acollapips Now'"; ism[11] = "ism #24: Looking down her cleaverage"; ism[12] = "ism #28: Working between these tight perambulators"; ism[13] = "ism #32: He was very charmingful"; ism[14] = "ism #33: Well, that's split the beans"; ism[15] = "ism #37: He's just the scrapecoat"; ism[16] = "ism #39: Parakeet flooring"; ism[17] = "ism #40: He's been subconded to another unit"; ism[18] = "ism #41: Well we're just back to Quo Vadis"; ism[19] = "ism #42: A waste disposable unit"; ism[20] = "ism #43: She's very retirecent"; ism[21] = "ism #44: Bullets were ricketing all around"; ism[22] = "ism #45: Aquapuncture is very good for you"; ism[23] = "ism #47: Dississipate the smell"; ism[24] = "ism #48: We'll have to do an addendment"; ism[25] = "ism #52: Funeral decorators"; ism[26] = "ism #53: He smokes like a trooper"; ism[27] = "ism #54: Bent as a two-bob-bit"; ism[28] = "ism #56: Order some vanilla folders"; ism[29] = "ism #58: Nickel Canadium batteries"; ism[30] = "ism #63: You've misconscrewed me"; ism[31] = "ism #65: Drinking a cravat of wine"; ism[32] = "ism #68: We're unindated with work"; ism[33] = "ism #69: I'll have to fill a demi-jar"; ism[34] = "ism #70: He uses the umbrella technique of management"; ism[35] = "ism #74: I hate those carry-cot beans"; ism[36] = "ism #75: Let's design a motive or a logi"; ism[37] = "ism #76: Staying in prison just makes you an old slag"; ism[38] = "ism #77: I hope that sorts out the chiff chaff"; ism[39] = "ism #79: A Volvo 760 Jumbo"; ism[40] = "ism #82: He changes like a carmeelia"; ism[41] = "ism #83: It's awful cleaning up all that theses"; ism[42] = "ism #84: I love those Spanish flamingo dancers"; ism[43] = "ism #87: The walls were covered with muriels"; ism[44] = "ism #89: Have you got any A4 foolscrap"; ism[45] = "ism #90: The President of Libya .......... Colonel Macgaffy"; ism[46] = "ism #93: Can I see you about these tenderisation documents"; ism[47] = "ism #98: I'm not cowtailing down to her"; ism[48] = "ism #101: It's all those chocolate kit-e-kats he eats"; ism[49] = "ism #104: That must be unecomical"; ism[50] = "ism #105: Technicalogical"; ism[51] = "ism #106: Ronald Reagan made an unpresidented remark"; ism[52] = "ism #108: Did he sound gropey on the phone?"; ism[53] = "ism #117: The Arab oil ministers have reached a shaky agreement"; ism[54] = "ism #118: A human cry went up at Shotley Bridge"; ism[55] = "ism #124: Disrecount that last remark"; ism[56] = "ism #129: The juvenile jazz band all played bazookas"; ism[57] = "ism #131: He was super-fast .......... he had quick reflections"; ism[58] = "ism #139: A breadth of fresh air"; ism[59] = "ism #142: Once you understand the methology you'll be all right"; ism[60] = "ism #144: Why not buy an on-the-peg suit"; ism[61] = "ism #146: He just sits and cowpatulates"; ism[62] = "ism #152: To all intensive purposes"; ism[63] = "ism #154: All the figures have been masqueraded"; ism[64] = "ism #156: I love eating maroons"; ism[65] = "ism #157: Let's keep ourselves above the headball"; ism[66] = "ism #160: Get some acetape slides for the projector"; ism[67] = "ism #161: The pet answer is ......"; ism[68] = "ism #163: Statisticles"; ism[69] = "ism #166: He belongs to a witch's coffin"; ism[70] = "ism #168: The velocity of the laundry is bound to increase"; ism[71] = "ism #169: He had a standing ovulation"; ism[72] = "ism #171: Spreading like wild flour"; ism[73] = "ism #175: Let's put it in prospective"; ism[74] = "ism #176: What is the cost per captive head?"; ism[75] = "ism #177: We need people with the right experterience"; ism[76] = "ism #182: We'll have to fuddle through"; ism[77] = "ism #183: Running around like an egg-less chicken"; ism[78] = "ism #184: We need subscription into the armed services"; ism[79] = "ism #185: I don't squelch on my bets"; ism[80] = "ism #186: There's no fools on him"; ism[81] = "ism #187: He's got channel vision"; ism[82] = "ism #190: Systems Analysists"; ism[83] = "ism #193: Rotary and alternative shift allowances"; ism[84] = "ism #195: I hope you haven't been misconfused"; ism[85] = "ism #206: He's on a high independent ward"; ism[86] = "ism #208: A major crisee"; ism[87] = "ism #213: An ante-natal bet"; ism[88] = "ism #216: He accused us of codwalloping the figures"; ism[89] = "ism #217: Our figures are not co-tangent with theirs"; ism[90] = "ism #219: She's just riding buckshod over everyone"; ism[91] = "ism #221: It's all back in the mental pot"; ism[92] = "ism #223: It'll all snowbound back on them"; ism[93] = "ism #225: The Kingsbury rules of boxing"; ism[94] = "ism #227: He's on infertility benefit"; ism[95] = "ism #229: I had a week's tossle over that one"; ism[96] = "ism #231: I've come for my GCE injection"; ism[97] = "ism #240: There's been nothing to countercede it"; ism[98] = "ism #243: It will help to dis-encourage them"; ism[99] = "ism #248: The Planner-Esimators are compeetant"; ism[100] = "ism #250: He was an under-bearer at a funeral"; ism[101] = "ism #252: They put the ham in moslem bags"; ism[102] = "ism #254: Defacinated coffee"; ism[103] = "ism #261: Why not order marionated chicken"; ism[104] = "ism #264: We'll have to do a hatch-up job to rescue this"; ism[105] = "ism #265: I use semi-skilled milk"; ism[106] = "ism #269: We disagree with that in totem"; ism[107] = "ism #271: They'll get a rostering for that"; ism[108] = "ism #273: This clock runs better on Durex batteries"; ism[109] = "ism #276: They leap-frogged him hand-cuffed out of the Metro Centre"; ism[110] = "ism #280: Senile dimensions have set in"; ism[111] = "ism #284: Mrs Thatcher doesn't give a Toyota about it"; ism[112] = "ism #286: He went to Sunday school religiously every week"; ism[113] = "ism #290: Let's put things on an evil keel"; ism[114] = "ism #297: He put her through the grill at interview"; ism[115] = "ism #298: That'll put them leap years ahead of us"; ism[116] = "ism #300: He's put a scotch on that"; ism[117] = "ism #301: They'll end up paying over the nose for that"; ism[118] = "ism #305: A spring inferior mattress"; ism[119] = "ism #306: He had testicles spread all over the country"; ism[120] = "ism #315: He pushed the boat out into no-man's land"; ism[121] = "ism #317: He communicates to London by train every day"; ism[122] = "ism #318: That was totally fruitile"; ism[123] = "ism #322: You need to wear information suits at Sellafield"; ism[124] = "ism #325: He's their one-eyed wonder boy"; ism[125] = "ism #332: The paragraphs should be numbered consequentially"; ism[126] = "ism #333: The Department of Customs and Exercise"; ism[127] = "ism #349: Well it's six and two thirds which I do"; ism[128] = "ism #355: That seems like a slow-winded way of doing it"; ism[129] = "ism #360: There's a highjacked lorry across the road back there"; ism[130] = "ism #361: The job sheet's ready, with the caviar that Alan Candlish needs to see it"; ism[131] = "ism #366: I wish I was an emu ..... I'd bury my head in the sand"; ism[132] = "ism #378: It's turning quite chippy out there"; ism[133] = "ism #391: ..... and to add insult to industry ....."; ism[134] = "ism #394: All our staff wear name badgers"; ism[135] = "ism #396: He was a well know Channel 4 presentator"; ism[136] = "ism #410: Compared to Wimpey or Leech, I'm just a flea in the ocean"; ism[137] = "ism #417: It's not a viable opposition (position)"; ism[138] = "ism #425: Dark chocolate?………..Oh, you mean like Cadbury's Bovril?"; ism[139] = "ism #426: It was a great parade, we pulled out all the stumps"; ism[140] = "ism #427: His ears have been flattened by wearing microphones for so long"; ism[141] = "ism #429: It happened in London's St Pancreas station"; ism[142] = "ism #431: It's a bit of a disastrophy"; ism[143] = "ism #432: It was very warm last night….almost as though we were going to have an Indian winter"; ism[144] = "ism #434: I don't want to be a party popper, but……"; ism[145] = "ism #435: It's really easy……it's not like it's rocket fuel! "; ism[146] = "ism #442: I don't have his number pacifically, but try this one"; ism[147] = "ism #443: I'm undecided …… the verdict's still out"; ism[148] = "ism #448: It was a fass-similie signature"; ism[149] = "ism #449: He's just using poet's licence"; ism[150] = "ism #453: Have we got another flower corgette in cream?"; ism[151] = "ism #458: The archie-tect will issue a Variegation order"; ism[152] = "ism #460: Cost will skyrocket through the roof"; ism[153] = "ism #461: He was totally non-pulsed"; ism[154] = "ism #469: Loaded to the gunwales"; ism[155] = "ism #471: I may be divulging from the point a bit….?"; ism[156] = "ism #472: High-fangled facilities"; ism[157] = "ism #474: The cash has been ring-sliced"; ism[158] = "ism #478: The book is the Jack and John of project management"; ism[159] = "ism #479: The expenditure on the project is in-illegible"; ism[160] = "ism #486: I was so drunk I almost fell over and had to grab hold of the dildo rail"; ism[161] = "ism #490: The vagrancies of the (financial) system mean that ……."; ism[162] = "ism #501: Jesus Christ was born as the result of an immaculate reception"; ism[163] = "ism #505: Only his mother survived the Holycost"; ism[164] = "ism #506: We need to be expedious doing this work"; ism[165] = "ism #509: After labouring for 36 hours the doctors told the woman she needed a cesary section"; ism[166] = "ism #510: After trying all day to finish the puzzle he finally gave up the goat"; ism[167] = "ism #511: Many years ago sable-toothed tigers roamed the earth"; ism[168] = "ism #516: Your coming in loud and queer"; ism[169] = "ism #519: The wind blew all the papers ascrew"; ism[170] = "ism #522: We hung Christmas reefs on all the windows"; ism[171] = "ism #523: She needs her choresterol checked"; ism[172] = "ism #525: He was diagnosed with prostate castor"; ism[173] = "ism #526: Ellen McCarthy……she's the one that sailed round the world in a cattle meringue"; ism[174] = "ism #529: That well known oriental dog breed, the Lhasa Arsehole"; ism[175] = "ism #534: I make no qualms about that"; ism[176] = "ism #535: The workers are confusioned about when to wear PPE"; ism[177] = "ism #536: My wife has a lot of things going on femininally"; ism[178] = "ism #539: Is this your restaurant's landmark salad?"; ism[179] = "ism #540: He decided to go to the beach on the sperm of the moment"; ism[180] = "ism #541: The fog was really fecal today, moving in and out all afternoon"; ism[181] = "ism #542: Roger Clemens is only one win away from baseball mortality"; ism[182] = "ism #543: He came down with a really bad case of poison ivory"; ism[183] = "ism #547: The clouds look a bit anonymous"; ism[184] = "ism #548: The driver pulled out of a congealed entrance"; ism[185] = "ism #552: I was over come with emulsion"; ism[186] = "ism #553: It's OK, I got paid I'm soluble again"; ism[187] = "ism #558: My wife's on the radioactive ward (radiotherapy ward)"; ism[188] = "ism #559: Can you tell we where the hospital's expensive care unit is? "; ism[189] = "ism #561: He works like a truncheon"; ism[190] = "ism #562: The kids can play in the quiche"; ism[191] = "ism #563: I spent the first three months of my life in an incinerator"; ism[192] = "ism #564: There's a breed of dog called a Nigerian Hatchback"; ism[193] = "ism #565: The vicar will have his perishers to help him at the fete"; ism[194] = "ism #566: That well known Spanish drink - Shangrila"; ism[195] = "ism #567: I like that cricketer called Telescopic"; ism[196] = "ism #569: George Bush should send in the MFI to sort out the Arabs"; ism[197] = "ism #571: The drains are full of human faculties"; ism[198] = "ism #576: I would make you a coffee but the decapitator is broken"; ism[199] = "ism #579: He's very tired, he's been busy squatting for his exams"; ism[200] = "ism #587: In Paris I was strolling along the Chandeliersay"; ism[201] = "ism #588: We will be hung, dried and quartered if they find out!"; ism[202] = "ism #593: That Jeff, he loves gadgets or anything state of the arc"; ism[203] = "ism #597: She can take her child to work because there is a quiche there"; ism[204] = "ism #598: During the war my husband repaired those catameringue flying boats"; ism[205] = "ism #599: I no longer have those circular smear tests"; ism[206] = "ism #601: Is this one of those flamingo dancers?"; ism[207] = "ism #604: We must nip this in the bug"; ism[208] = "ism #611: We extrapolated him from that situation"; ism[209] = "ism #613: It's a mute point"; ism[210] = "ism #626: It's fatally obvious"; ism[211] = "ism #629: We had the house coated with semtex (Sandex)"; ism[212] = "ism #630: That's a great idea, we could be sitting on a land mine"; ism[213] = "ism #632: I'll give you a ball-point figure"; ism[214] = "ism #635: I think it would make him feel more stressless"; ism[215] = "ism #638: The office move will have to be done in one fell sweep"; ism[216] = "ism #643: (Looking around for a monument on top of a hill) Where's this asterix then?"; ism[217] = "ism #645: I changed my telephone number because I was getting unseen phone calls"; ism[218] = "ism #646: He can't help forgetting - it’s his dimensions"; ism[219] = "ism #649: That well known air freshener........ pott puree"; ism[220] = "ism #658: You can't be too complacent and sit back on your morals!"; ism[221] = "ism #659: They were on their hands and knees praying to Abba!"; ism[222] = "ism #661: Well, that's just the engine on the cake!"; ism[223] = "ism #671: My car's got declining seats and a venereal roof"; ism[224] = "ism #672: No one's inflammable"; ism[225] = "ism #675: It's just a blimp on the landscape"; ism[226] = "ism #683: I'll treat that with the content it deserves"; ism[227] = "ism #686: The sound of the church bells masqueraded the noise from the basement"; ism[228] = "ism #687: (What do you think of this desk?) I don't know, Rog, furniture's not my repartee…."; ism[229] = "ism #694: Yeah, it looks like he's burnt his breeches ……….."; ism[230] = "ism #695: We're going to have to pull our socks out on this one!"; ism[231] = "ism #700: He was going off at a tandem"; ism[232] = "ism #701: She's fallen out with the boss, she's not well endowed with him!"; ism[233] = "ism #702: I've given him carsh blank"; ism[234] = "ism #703: This may impede on it"; ism[235] = "ism #707: Those are my sediments entirely"; ism[236] = "ism #708: I'm hungover, I should have absconded from drinking last night"; ism[237] = "ism #711: Can you collaborate on what was said earlier (elaborate)"; ism[238] = "ism #716: I think the big match is on cholesterol TV"; ism[239] = "ism #730: Waal, 'e wuz caught exposin' his genials, weren't he?"; ism[240] = "ism #731: He's like Pavlova's rats"; ism[241] = "ism #732: People don't think so but I have a self-defecating streak myself…."; ism[242] = "ism #738: The length of compassionate leave agreed by management should be given on a haddock basis"; ism[243] = "ism #741: No man's indelible"; ism[244] = "ism #747: My friend on Corfu, he's that religion…you know Greek Orthodontist"; ism[245] = "ism #750: Durex don't do aural contraceptives"; ism[246] = "ism #754: Could you please be more pacific"; ism[247] = "ism #767: Look at that emancipated dog"; ism[248] = "ism #768: I hate the constituency of cheese"; ism[249] = "ism #774: He has an invadility pension"; ism[250] = "ism #782: You've got to expectorate to accumulate"; ism[251] = "ism #785: Get me a calendar to drain this spaghetti"; ism[252] = "ism #787: Go to the shop and buy a packet of desecrated coconut"; ism[253] = "ism #800: Exterminating circumstances"; ism[254] = "ism #801: The head's legal guidebook is quite a thick tomb"; ism[255] = "ism #808: Our staff must receive a Health and Safety induction. Have you been induced?"; ism[256] = "ism #819: That well know tube of cream for pile relief: Arsenal"; ism[257] = "ism #822: I'll use this lacerated knife to cut it"; ism[258] = "ism #828: Men would like to have multiple organisms too."; ism[259] = "ism #834: It's null and devoid"; ism[260] = "ism #837: The boss has just given me a right earhole about that cockup!"; ism[261] = "ism #843: I could follow most of what he said but then he went off on a tandem!"; ism[262] = "ism #851: It's like the Spanish Intuition, nobody expected that!"; ism[263] = "ism #853: I'm in a catch 52 situation!"; ism[264] = "ism #855: This is not totally pre-fabricated!"; ism[265] = "ism #865: He's wearing a Burgerhouse jacket!"; ism[266] = "ism #868: Quick, let's make a beehive for the door"; ism[267] = "ism #872: This requires some literal thinking"; ism[268] = "ism #873: I was sandwiched in a cavalade"; ism[269] = "ism #875: I have a few minuet meetings knocking around today"; ism[270] = "ism #876: Is that what I get, a tertiary wave?"; ism[271] = "ism #881: I eat those by the Trojan"; ism[272] = "ism #886: I think familiarity is beginning to breed content"; ism[273] = "ism #887: I'm caught between a rock and a harbour"; ism[274] = "ism #888: Give him a camcorder and he thinks he's Stephen Spiegelberger"; ism[275] = "ism #891: He was from the Noise Debating Society!"; ism[276] = "ism #894: Why don't you just paint it a nice mongolia"; ism[277] = "ism #896: I had Cumbernauld sausage for lunch"; ism[278] = "ism #899: He was like a bullet in a china shop"; ism[279] = "ism #900: We'll have to pout for more business"; ism[280] = "ism #902: You just take me for credit!"; ism[281] = "ism #905: She crashed her car on the bridge; she's a very erotic driver"; ism[282] = "ism #907: Stop driving so fast, you're going to give me a whipneck"; ism[283] = "ism #910: He had one of those Beckham tomahawk haircuts"; ism[284] = "ism #911: I've got an Alfa Morayo car"; ism[285] = "ism #912: I'm sorry he's not here, he's in the other orifice"; ism[286] = "ism #917: It's slander, it's definition of character"; ism[287] = "ism #921: It's alright for you men, it's us girls who put up with all this pre-mental suspension"; ism[288] = "ism #926: Here comes our illustrated manager"; ism[289] = "ism #928: I'm going on another shore excretion"; ism[290] = "ism #930: He sat at the bar and drank himself into Bolivia"; ism[291] = "ism #942: The house will stay very warm because it has great installation."; ism[292] = "ism #943: That new biography contains a great little antidote about someone we know."; ism[293] = "ism #944: Quick he's choking - I'll do the Heinrich manoeuvre"; ism[294] = "ism #946: Those Honkinese people are very friendly."; ism[295] = "ism #949: He's much better now he's on valient tablets."; ism[296] = "ism #950: It's that ultra-violent light that's doing all the damage!"; ism[297] = "ism #951: Re: butcher's shops. Sawdust is unhygienic because of its orgasms."; ism[298] = "ism #955: That would put a carwash on it!"; ism[299] = "ism #960: Drink will be the urination of us all."; ism[300] = "ism #962: He's a touch stereotypist"; ism[301] = "ism #966: That's disgraceful, he's a married man but he's theanderling with another woman!"; ism[302] = "ism #967: Well, you know, we are not really out of the woodwork yet!"; ism[303] = "ism #974: I'm gonna fire a Bismark across 'em!"; ism[304] = "ism #975: It was emailed out the back door."; ism[305] = "ism #978: …it was falling on deft ears."; ism[306] = "ism #979: He's just melted-off into the significance."; ism[307] = "ism #980: You two were born at the hip."; ism[308] = "ism #981: Oh, what's brought that cheerful little antidote up."; ism[309] = "ism #982: Naivety, naivety…is it the 25th of December?"; ism[310] = "ism #986: GLA striking forth into the anals of history."; ism[311] = "ism #987: Grief, you'll soon be bible-belting at this rate."; ism[312] = "ism #995: Cumulative…like the clouds in the sky."; ism[313] = "ism #997: There's a cacophony of rodents in our barn."; ism[314] = "ism #1001: Your job has become sedimentary."; ism[315] = "ism #1002: She told me some stories that made my blood curl."; ism[316] = "ism #1005: I thought he was going to be pretty miserable, but in the end he just joculated with me."; ism[317] = "ism #1011: When her Grandad died, he was so fat he was obeast!"; ism[318] = "ism #1012: I enjoyed that beef stew, next Sunday I'll knock up a nice chicken chaser!"; ism[319] = "ism #1018: Would you have that chronic irrigation done?"; ism[320] = "ism #1023: She had bad breath - mixematosis"; ism[321] = "ism #1025: Everyone was dinking and having a laugh and I was like the Kilroy at the party"; ism[322] = "ism #1027: He was writing his autobiographical memoirs"; ism[323] = "ism #1030: They've got a big detached house with panasonic views!"; ism[324] = "ism #1040: She's champion at the bits now!"; ism[325] = "ism #1041: There's a platitude of different types of phones available."; ism[326] = "ism #1048: We need to sit down and go through this with a fine toothpick!"; ism[327] = "ism #1057: Ah, those were the halogen days."; ism[328] = "ism #1060: He's gone in for an autopsy on his lump."; ism[329] = "ism #1064: All of a sudden we heard a notorious bang!"; ism[330] = "ism #1067: We're really tripping the light fandango now!"; ism[331] = "ism #1072: I go through a spasm of a couple of months!"; ism[332] = "ism #1073: I've had a spout of headaches."; ism[333] = "ism #1086: His development has been norman."; ism[334] = "ism #1088: She gave him an ultimation."; ism[335] = "ism #1094: He remains vigilante to his environment."; ism[336] = "ism #1116: Anything that goes against my Christian principles is anatomy to me."; ism[337] = "ism #1117: To all extents and purposes she is stunningly attractive."; ism[338] = "ism #1119: He's organising a concert in aid of the tassunni."; ism[339] = "ism #1120: Its all a load of gobble-de-book."; ism[340] = "ism #1126: If she was alive today she’d be turning in her grave"; ism[341] = "ism #1131: I can smell your obo (Haribo) fruits."; ism[342] = "ism #1132: Ian's bought me some rosemary beads."; ism[343] = "ism #1134: I've had three things to do today and I've been railroaded off all of them."; ism[344] = "ism #1136: I've been on Friends Reinvented."; ism[345] = "ism #1138: Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder."; ism[346] = "ism #1140: Well at least he didn’t go away thinking we were all Mormons!"; ism[347] = "ism #1145: It's like a Milestone round my neck!"; ism[348] = "ism #1148: When Puss comes to shove!"; ism[349] = "ism #1152: Where is everybody? Its like the Cutty Sark in here!"; ism[350] = "ism #1158: My sweets have deplenished at a rate of knots."; ism[351] = "ism #1163: I need a day to take the skirmish off the top of things"; ism[352] = "ism #1166: It was held together like a Renault Reliant."; ism[353] = "ism #1167: I don't think I'll suffer from senile dimension."; ism[354] = "ism #1185: I'm absolutely shattered today, I was aroused last night by boisterous neighbours."; ism[355] = "ism #1188: He was standing there wearing his feather boater on his head!"; ism[356] = "ism #1192: Well that's another frittato for the ledger"; ism[357] = "ism #1200: They were practising on godivas - you know, dead bodies!"; ism[358] = "ism #1203: She's better than some of the old battle-wagons we have to deal with. "; ism[359] = "ism #1206: I'm willing to bet that there's not a clithero of bright young ladies out there. "; ism[360] = "ism #1211: I got caught in a pince-meat movement. "; ism[361] = "ism #1220: You don't even have to think about that one, it’s a no-boner. "; ism[362] = "ism #1223: Clear as mud? You'd worry if it was as clear as a dishwasher, wouldn't you? "; ism[363] = "ism #1225: I had my bike fixed by a proper manic. "; ism[364] = "ism #1226: Do I detect a degree of friviolity here? "; ism[365] = "ism #1228: I didn't know we had a new company loggia. (logo) "; ism[366] = "ism #1234: We could replace the hooter with a 'Clacton' or something. "; ism[367] = "ism #1240: The library is a minefield of information!"; ism[368] = "ism #1241: His hair didn't have a blade out of place!"; ism[369] = "ism #1249: When talking about PC Games: ...you can get that special edition dulux pack"; ism[370] = "ism #1251: We will be supporting this product with a substandard advertising campaign!"; ism[371] = "ism #1259: Pupil: 'Sir.... Miss Xxxxx told me not to be impotent in her lessons'"; ism[372] = "ism #1261: This offers the whole gannet of clinical audit"; ism[373] = "ism #1263: It seems like a renegade step "; ism[374] = "ism #1264: It raised the heckles on the back of my neck"; ism[375] = "ism #1271: I thought you would be here earlier lumbering up."; ism[376] = "ism #1275: I've got much more important fish to fly."; ism[377] = "ism #1277: I'm gonna nail him to his mask."; ism[378] = "ism #1279: I have a cold pouring out of my head and I've thrown half a box of Kleenex at it, all to no regale."; ism[379] = "ism #1281: Why does every comment have to be accompanied with some little ditty or analogue."; ism[380] = "ism #1285: I'll treat that with the augustus it deserves."; ism[381] = "ism #1289: You continue to abuse me despite my protestants."; ism[382] = "ism #1291: I'm getting buttered and twittered in my old age."; ism[383] = "ism #1292: You're confusing things - that’s nothing more than a white herring."; ism[384] = "ism #1293: You wouldn't do that if the boot was on the other fruit."; ism[385] = "ism #1294: He was just about to leave but then he gave me his party shot."; ism[386] = "ism #1297: Someone's just lampooned my credit card."; ism[387] = "ism #1303: He's got me to thank for passing his exams. After Allen left, I was his minotaur."; ism[388] = "ism #1305: If the weather is good I'll sit by the lake in my little pernola."; ism[389] = "ism #1307: You must be ready to go on holiday by now. Have you ticked your passport and had your insulation jabs?"; ism[390] = "ism #1308: I don't have such a strong work-ethnic."; ism[391] = "ism #1311: Be careful of all the little insects and midgets in your tent!"; ism[392] = "ism #1313: Don't be so cheeky, I feel totally misaligned."; ism[393] = "ism #1318: They're making money, hand over foot."; ism[394] = "ism #1321: Don't bite off more than you can choose."; ism[395] = "ism #1328: She's just like her mum, she's a cardboard copy."; ism[396] = "ism #1334: I got given a white cat…it was as deaf as a dodo."; ism[397] = "ism #1338: I was completely irated with her."; ism[398] = "ism #1339: He's looking at me with moist-tinted sunglasses at the moment."; ism[399] = "ism #1347: I felt like a lamb to the slaughterhouse born."; ism[400] = "ism #1353: My musical tastes are quite catholectic."; ism[401] = "ism #1364: To introduce our new menu, we at the Triton Inn will welcome you on Friday nights with a taste of Bucks Fizz and Canopies"; ism[402] = "ism #1365: We've got a suzuki in our bathroom!"; ism[403] = "ism #1377: I was made the escaping goat for that mistake"; ism[404] = "ism #1382: That was a foreskin conclusion"; ism[405] = "ism #1399: I've been sweating over a hot slave in there all morning"; ism[406] = "ism #1401: I'll give him some on the the dot training"; ism[407] = "ism #1405: I've been to hospital for a GCE (ECG)"; ism[408] = "ism #1406: He'll be helped out by the home-alone service"; ism[409] = "ism #1409: We'll have to fit it in between the various pigs and troughs"; ism[410] = "ism #1410: We'll just have to press on rewardless"; ism[411] = "ism #1415: I think Bill had over-stepped his welcome"; ism[412] = "ism #1418: They keep playing him in midfield when everyone knows he's a down and out winger!"; ism[413] = "ism #1420: He's very good ….. He certainly knows his carrots!"; ism[414] = "ism #1424: Could I have one of those Dobermann Kebabs please"; ism[415] = "ism #1425: All swimming, all dancing."; ism[416] = "ism #1426: Can you order five hard hats and five visa vests please."; ism[417] = "ism #1428: Ha ha, that a very humerous antedote."; ism[418] = "ism #1431: He will want to buy another Thai Bride from Taiwan."; ism[419] = "ism #1446: I'm not bothered either way as long as we nail something to the mask."; ism[420] = "ism #1455: My musical tastes are quite catholectic."; ism[421] = "ism #1456: My secretary just lambasted me with your emails."; ism[422] = "ism #1461: She's the head poncho."; ism[423] = "ism #1471: You shouldn't look a gilt-horse in the mouth."; ism[424] = "ism #1472: Your cold sounds terrible. Are you taking lots of lozenges and gargoyles."; ism[425] = "ism #1473: I had a great holiday, we went out on a boat one day - one of them cat and meringues."; ism[426] = "ism #1477: Maybe he's got a stamina. (stammer)"; ism[427] = "ism #1478: I see Paris Hilton has been re-arrested. The police have taken her away in cufflinks."; ism[428] = "ism #1480: in an email circulated by an attractive programmer: 'Please bare me in mind'"; ism[429] = "ism #1484: We're going to Croatia on holiday - what language do they speak? - Suburbian! (cross between Serbian and Croatian)"; ism[430] = "ism #1485: There will be opportunities to have an early incite into what will be different in the new legislation."; ism[431] = "ism #1491: He's just crutching at straws…."; ism[432] = "ism #1493: I've been running around like a legless chicken!"; ism[433] = "ism #1494: Hartlepool manager Danny Wilson is trying to strengthen his small squad in a bid to starve off relegation"; ism[434] = "ism #1496: Is this community agreement being spread out to all communists? (should be communities)"; ism[435] = "ism #1503: Penny says it's urgent. She wants it S.A.A.P."; ism[436] = "ism #1507: Have you seen that film.. Jaccuzic Park?"; ism[437] = "ism #1510: Should I print it in portrait or landslide?"; ism[438] = "ism #1513: This athlete on the British team used to compete for Jamaica until he recently changed his allegations"; ism[439] = "ism #1517: If anybody has any quarries regarding the above changes…"; ism[440] = "ism #1520: If he does that again I'll poke his ears out!"; ism[441] = "ism #1523: yellow goods"; ism[442] = "ism #1524: Chaucer's war and peace"; ism[443] = "ism #1532: slowly, slowly, catchy mouse"; ism[444] = "ism #1537: burning the midnight hour"; ism[445] = "ism #1540: give the man a pound of applause"; ism[446] = "ism #1545: TS: You've got 2 minutes left. KF: Oh, and is that clock anatomically correct?"; ism[447] = "ism #1547: Its like the seven shades of rye"; ism[448] = "ism #1552: hung, dried and quartered"; ism[449] = "ism #1557: stop tantalising your sister"; ism[450] = "ism #1560: its the best thing in all carnation"; ism[451] = "ism #1562: well that's going to be consigned to the anals of history"; ism[452] = "ism #1564: you're a real font of knowledge"; ism[453] = "ism #1566: stop being a back seat passenger"; ism[454] = "ism #1567: a hardening of the archerys"; ism[455] = "ism #1582: I've got an interesting antidote to tell you"; ism[456] = "ism #1587: I'm a figure of your imagination"; ism[457] = "ism #1589: apparently the hand ball was as blatant as Madonna's"; ism[458] = "ism #1599: I had a nice big plate of chilli and a glass of semi skilled milk"; ism[459] = "ism #1610: Irish whispers "; ism[460] = "ism #1612: do you remember when Andy Goram was diagnosed with quadrophenia"; ism[461] = "ism #1642: We have got a Rolls Rice version."; ism[462] = "ism #1650: They have had the Monotony for far too long now."; ism[463] = "ism #1651: He has got all his money in a 'Swedish' Bank Account."; ism[464] = "ism #1656: We will get together in the conference room and have a chinflab."; ism[465] = "ism #1665: I am as dumb as dishwater today."; ism[466] = "ism #1676: I have a prolithero of tasks."; ism[467] = "ism #1678: You nearly gave me a catatonic fit."; ism[468] = "ism #1680: There's a cliché of them that go around together."; ism[469] = "ism #1685: I would advise you to sign an Alfie Davey."; ism[470] = "ism #1707: I'll take you round to the office in case you get lost, because this place is like a rabbit hutch"; ism[471] = "ism #1730: If those hyundis grow any taller the neighbours will start to complain."; ism[472] = "ism #1731: When I was married, the woman next door was in the CDI (CID)."; ism[473] = "ism #1734: NS to Mal: Dave said that Cardiff isn't part of Wales. Dave to Mal: I didn't say that, he's taking it out of content."; ism[474] = "ism #1741: Hey look, it's one of those Awac planes, you know, those 'Radan' ones."; ism[475] = "ism #1745: He has got senile dimension."; ism[476] = "ism #1749: You ought to keep that for prosperity"; ism[477] = "ism #1751: He is not being esconded out of engineering anymore."; ism[478] = "ism #1773: He was driving down the jewel carriageway"; ism[479] = "ism #1774: It's a jumble out there"; ism[480] = "ism #1778: Yes, Newcastle (soccer club) have been papering over the craps..…er...… cracks for weeks"; ism[481] = "ism #1783: I don't want another estate car, I'm thinking about having a hunchback"; ism[482] = "ism #1786: It doesn't have to be exact, just a ballpen figure"; ism[483] = "ism #1787: You can find details on our web-shite"; ism[484] = "ism #1791: He started telling me about it being no dress day on a Friday (dress down)"; ism[485] = "ism #1805: I had no trouble driving in the snow, my Range Rover has tracksuit control"; ism[486] = "ism #1823: Have you got any decapitated coffee?"; ism[487] = "ism #1825: It's been a very steep learning curb"; ism[488] = "ism #1831: I'm swapping my old saloon for a new hunch-back"; ism[489] = "ism #1832: Will you give me the fingers-up when we're Ok to go?"; ism[490] = "ism #1834: He's going back to pastures new"; ism[491] = "ism #1835: You're laughing at me now but when I retire you'll miss my little antidotes"; ism[492] = "ism #1837: I can nod off anywhere; I can sleep on a shoestring"; ism[493] = "ism #1838: What is a nacronym"; ism[494] = "ism #1842: If you put it out of content you say it wrong."; ism[495] = "ism #1854: She's not feeling very effectual today"; ism[496] = "ism #1855: We were so busy at work, that we were up to our earballs "; auth[0] = ""; auth[1] = " Gordon Scott"; auth[2] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[3] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[4] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[5] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[6] = " Union shop steward"; auth[7] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[8] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[9] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[10] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[11] = " Jim Owens"; auth[12] = " Alan Woods"; auth[13] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[14] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[15] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[16] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[17] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[18] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[19] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[20] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[21] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[22] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[23] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[24] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[25] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[26] = " Anne Martin"; auth[27] = " Anne Martin"; auth[28] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[29] = " Russ Pottinger"; auth[30] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[31] = " Ian Bowley's brother-in-law"; auth[32] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[33] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[34] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[35] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[36] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[37] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[38] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[39] = " Frank Tracey"; auth[40] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[41] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[42] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[43] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[44] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[45] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[46] = " Geoff Martin"; auth[47] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[48] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[49] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[50] = " Russ Pottinger"; auth[51] = " Radio 3 News"; auth[52] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[53] = " Radio 2 News"; auth[54] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[55] = " Russ Pottinger"; auth[56] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[57] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[58] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[59] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[60] = " Sylvia Pottinger"; auth[61] = " Alan Woods"; auth[62] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[63] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[64] = " Ian Bowley's brother-in-law"; auth[65] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[66] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[67] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[68] = " Jimmy Ledger - RHA Head of Statistics"; auth[69] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[70] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[71] = " Ian Bowley's brother-in-law"; auth[72] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[73] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[74] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[75] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[76] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[77] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[78] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[79] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[80] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[81] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[82] = " Russ Pottinger"; auth[83] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[84] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[85] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[86] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[87] = " Ian Bowley"; auth[88] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[89] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[90] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[91] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[92] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[93] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[94] = " Anne Martin"; auth[95] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[96] = " Hospital out-patient"; auth[97] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[98] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[99] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[100] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[101] = " Ian Bowley's brother-in-law"; auth[102] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[103] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[104] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[105] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[106] = " Union shop steward"; auth[107] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[108] = " Ian East's mother"; auth[109] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[110] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[111] = " Man-in-the-street interviewee"; auth[112] = " Brian Mackley"; auth[113] = " Ray Harrison"; auth[114] = " Brian Mackley"; auth[115] = " Angus Macnay"; auth[116] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[117] = " Brian Mackley"; auth[118] = " John Beston"; auth[119] = " Brian Mackley"; auth[120] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[121] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[122] = " Anon (from Ian Bowley)"; auth[123] = " Tony Pottinger"; auth[124] = " Local Government Officer"; auth[125] = " Jim Belford"; auth[126] = " Catherine Banks"; auth[127] = " John Griffiths"; auth[128] = " John Taylor"; auth[129] = " Alan Candlish"; auth[130] = " John Taylor"; auth[131] = " Unhappy rugby supporter"; auth[132] = " Russ Pottinger"; auth[133] = " Paul Burdon"; auth[134] = " Patient information leaflet (Hartlepool)"; auth[135] = " Channel 4 TV announcer"; auth[136] = " Self-employed builder"; auth[137] = " Radio 2 interviewee"; auth[138] = " Tracy Stokes"; auth[139] = " Geordie' guardsman at Trooping of the colour parade"; auth[140] = " Gary Lineker (about John Motson)"; auth[141] = " Classic FM Radio News"; auth[142] = " Paul Burdon"; auth[143] = " Garage receptionist"; auth[144] = " Darlington Council Member"; auth[145] = " Sue Henderson"; auth[146] = " Telephone switchboard operator"; auth[147] = " Channel 4 holiday home hunter"; auth[148] = " Bill Consitt "; auth[149] = " Bill Consitt "; auth[150] = " Florist (from Nichola Fairless)"; auth[151] = " Bill Consitt "; auth[152] = " Bill Consitt "; auth[153] = " Bill Consitt "; auth[154] = " Bill Consitt "; auth[155] = " Anon (from Jim Belford)"; auth[156] = " Jim Belford"; auth[157] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[158] = " Un-named project manager"; auth[159] = " Kevin Keltie"; auth[160] = " Elaine Nicholson"; auth[161] = " Regional Management Accountant"; auth[162] = " Anon (from Susan Messer)"; auth[163] = " Anon (from Susan Messer)"; auth[164] = " Anon (from Susan Messer)"; auth[165] = " Anon (from Susan Messer)"; auth[166] = " Anon (from Susan Messer)"; auth[167] = " Anon (from Susan Messer)"; auth[168] = " Anon (from Susan Messer)"; auth[169] = " Friend of Susan Messer"; auth[170] = " Friend of Susan Messer"; auth[171] = " Friend of Susan Messer"; auth[172] = " TV newscaster"; auth[173] = " Anon (from Ian Bowley)"; auth[174] = " Anon (from George Gemmel)"; auth[175] = " Heather McCartney"; auth[176] = " Anon (from Susan Messer)"; auth[177] = " Friend of Susan Messer"; auth[178] = " News broadcast"; auth[179] = " Friend of Susan Messer"; auth[180] = " News broadcast"; auth[181] = " News broadcast"; auth[182] = " the 'Captain of the World'"; auth[183] = " Matty (from Jim Denniston)"; auth[184] = " Matty (from Jim Denniston)"; auth[185] = " Matty (from Jim Denniston)"; auth[186] = " Ruth Taylor (from Judith Laurie)"; auth[187] = " Hospital Visitor (from Karen Glynn)"; auth[188] = " Hospital Visitor (from Karen Glynn)"; auth[189] = " Claire Adams"; auth[190] = " June Grindley (from Debbie Bradford)"; auth[191] = " June Grindley (from Debbie Bradford)"; auth[192] = " June Grindley (from Debbie Bradford)"; auth[193] = " June Grindley (from Debbie Bradford)"; auth[194] = " June Grindley (from Debbie Bradford)"; auth[195] = " June Grindley (from Debbie Bradford)"; auth[196] = " Helen Slater's mother-in-law"; auth[197] = " Anon (from Barry Mcneill)"; auth[198] = " Anon (from Adrian Shandley)"; auth[199] = " Anon (from Sue Duxbury)"; auth[200] = " Anon (from Iain Harris)"; auth[201] = " Anon (from Iain Harris)"; auth[202] = " Michael Mohan's aunt"; auth[203] = " Tony Hall's neighbour"; auth[204] = " Tony Hall's neighbour"; auth[205] = " Tony Hall's neighbour"; auth[206] = " Tony Hall's neighbour"; auth[207] = " Anon (from Nicky)"; auth[208] = " Dom Gittins' boss"; auth[209] = " Dom Gittins' boss"; auth[210] = " Peter Morgan's wife"; auth[211] = " Sara Bunting"; auth[212] = " Anon (from Steve Taylor)"; auth[213] = " Anon (from Steve Taylor)"; auth[214] = " Graham Worthington"; auth[215] = " Michael Mohan's wife"; auth[216] = " Claire Eccles' daughter"; auth[217] = " Anon (from Suzanne & Tim)"; auth[218] = " Anon (from Suzanne & Tim)"; auth[219] = " Karen's mother-in-law"; auth[220] = " Anon (from Peter Wood)"; auth[221] = " Anon (from Tom Shopland)"; auth[222] = " James Pickett"; auth[223] = " Anon (from Laurie Hawkes)"; auth[224] = " Anon (from Laurie Hawkes)"; auth[225] = " Nichola Fairless"; auth[226] = " Tim"; auth[227] = " Tim"; auth[228] = " Tim"; auth[229] = " Tim"; auth[230] = " Anon (from Ian Bowley)"; auth[231] = " Anon Rhiain Hunter-Jones"; auth[232] = " Dolly"; auth[233] = " Dolly"; auth[234] = " Dolly"; auth[235] = " Dolly"; auth[236] = " Dolly"; auth[237] = " Anon (from Peter Wood)"; auth[238] = " Secretary of local football team (from Tom Whelan)"; auth[239] = " Two Cornish ladies (from Kristina Amadeus)"; auth[240] = " Ross Mclennan"; auth[241] = " Anon (from John Howarth)"; auth[242] = " Jean Verity Doyle"; auth[243] = " Union rep. (from John Hogan)"; auth[244] = " Michelle Howchin (from Faye Lester)"; auth[245] = " Bruce Wedgwood-Oppenheim"; auth[246] = " Mick Coyne (and others)"; auth[247] = " Regan Atkinson"; auth[248] = " Regan Atkinson"; auth[249] = " Rod Theobald's wife"; auth[250] = " Andrew Windibank's aunt"; auth[251] = " Mark Halsall's wife"; auth[252] = " Anon (from John Mackessack)"; auth[253] = " Anon teacher (from John Amos)"; auth[254] = " Anon teacher (from John Amos)"; auth[255] = " Anon (from Sherry Smith)"; auth[256] = " Tracey Halsall"; auth[257] = " Anon (from Linda Phipps)"; auth[258] = " Danna Kirk Mayhall"; auth[259] = " Anon (from Jim Slater)"; auth[260] = " Anon (from George Dent)"; auth[261] = " Fievel"; auth[262] = " Anon (from Laurence Newman)"; auth[263] = " Anon Police Constable"; auth[264] = " Anon Police Constable"; auth[265] = " Anon Police Constable"; auth[266] = " Anon (from Dean Stocks)"; auth[267] = " Fievel"; auth[268] = " Fievel"; auth[269] = " Fievel"; auth[270] = " Fievel"; auth[271] = " Fievel"; auth[272] = " Fievel"; auth[273] = " Fievel"; auth[274] = " Tim"; auth[275] = " Alan Padgham"; auth[276] = " Trevor Rutter's mum"; auth[277] = " Gail (from Carolyn Eager)"; auth[278] = " Anon (from Simon Cornell)"; auth[279] = " Anon (from Simon Cornell)"; auth[280] = " Anon (from Patricia Brindisi"; auth[281] = " Kenneth's mother"; auth[282] = " Jurgen Achterfeldt"; auth[283] = " Anon (from Ian Bowley)"; auth[284] = " Anon (from Iain Harris)"; auth[285] = " Anon (from Iain Harris)"; auth[286] = " Anon (from Iain Harris)"; auth[287] = " Anon (from Chris Keylock)"; auth[288] = " Anon (from: name witheld to protect future promotion prospects)"; auth[289] = " P&O Cruise passenger(from James Sullivan)"; auth[290] = " Becca Carlson"; auth[291] = " Various (from Nancy Glenn)"; auth[292] = " Tim"; auth[293] = " Tim"; auth[294] = " Elsie (from Ian Bowley)"; auth[295] = " Basil Hall's mother-in-law"; auth[296] = " Basil Hall's mother-in-law"; auth[297] = " Anon politician (from Max Abernethy)"; auth[298] = " Mike Brownlie's sister"; auth[299] = " from Richard Paxman"; auth[300] = " Brian Pemberton"; auth[301] = " Tim"; auth[302] = " David Braun (from Nancy Glenn)"; auth[303] = " Fievel"; auth[304] = " Fievel"; auth[305] = " Fievel"; auth[306] = " Fievel"; auth[307] = " Fievel"; auth[308] = " Fievel"; auth[309] = " Fievel"; auth[310] = " Fievel"; auth[311] = " Fievel"; auth[312] = " Fievel"; auth[313] = " Fievel"; auth[314] = " Fievel"; auth[315] = " Fievel"; auth[316] = " Fievel"; auth[317] = " Lee Brandon's Mother-in-Law"; auth[318] = " Lee Brandon's Mother-in-Law"; auth[319] = " Nev"; auth[320] = " Nev"; auth[321] = " Nev"; auth[322] = " from David Morgan"; auth[323] = " Raymond (from Ian Bowley)"; auth[324] = " Fievel"; auth[325] = " Fievel"; auth[326] = " Fievel"; auth[327] = " Anon (from Iain Harris)"; auth[328] = " Anon (from Iain Harris)"; auth[329] = " Anon (from Paul Fogarty)"; auth[330] = " Fievel"; auth[331] = " Fievel"; auth[332] = " Fievel"; auth[333] = " Anon (from Ken Fogel)"; auth[334] = " Anon (from Ken Fogel)"; auth[335] = " Anon (from Ken Fogel)"; auth[336] = " Fievel"; auth[337] = " Fievel"; auth[338] = " Fievel"; auth[339] = " Fievel"; auth[340] = " Brenda"; auth[341] = " Fievel"; auth[342] = " Fievel"; auth[343] = " Fievel"; auth[344] = " Fievel"; auth[345] = " Stuart MacDiarmid"; auth[346] = " Joanne McDonough"; auth[347] = " Anon (from Robert Nestor)"; auth[348] = " Anon (from Robert Nestor)"; auth[349] = " Anon (from Michael Frain)"; auth[350] = " Fievel"; auth[351] = " Fievel"; auth[352] = " Fievel"; auth[353] = " Ian's mother-in-law"; auth[354] = " Ruth (from Ian Bowley)"; auth[355] = " Tim"; auth[356] = " Anon (from Cassandra Westwood)"; auth[357] = " Elsie (from Ian Bowley)"; auth[358] = " Fievel"; auth[359] = " Fievel"; auth[360] = " Fievel"; auth[361] = " Fievel"; auth[362] = " Fievel"; auth[363] = " Fievel"; auth[364] = " Fievel"; auth[365] = " Fievel"; auth[366] = " Fievel"; auth[367] = " John Vercoe"; auth[368] = " John Vercoe"; auth[369] = " Mark Field"; auth[370] = " Anon (from James Munden)"; auth[371] = " Anon (from Tim Clarke)"; auth[372] = " Anon (from Martin Ferris)"; auth[373] = " Debra Canning"; auth[374] = " Debra Canning"; auth[375] = " Fievel"; auth[376] = " Fievel"; auth[377] = " Fievel"; auth[378] = " Fievel"; auth[379] = " Fievel"; auth[380] = " Fievel"; auth[381] = " Fievel"; auth[382] = " Fievel"; auth[383] = " Fievel"; auth[384] = " Fievel"; auth[385] = " Fievel"; auth[386] = " Fievel"; auth[387] = " Fievel"; auth[388] = " Fievel"; auth[389] = " Fievel"; auth[390] = " Fievel"; auth[391] = " Fievel"; auth[392] = " Fievel"; auth[393] = " Fievel"; auth[394] = " Fievel"; auth[395] = " Liddy Lewis"; auth[396] = " Fievel"; auth[397] = " Fievel"; auth[398] = " Fievel"; auth[399] = " Fievel"; auth[400] = " Fievel"; auth[401] = " advertisement - Hull Daily Mail (from Martin Ferris)"; auth[402] = " Nigel Beedles' mother"; auth[403] = " Baz Cox"; auth[404] = " Don Overall"; auth[405] = " Helen Foster's mother"; auth[406] = " Don Overall"; auth[407] = " Anon (from Martin Ferris)"; auth[408] = " Anon"; auth[409] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[410] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[411] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[412] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[413] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[414] = " Nic Cleveland's mother-in-law"; auth[415] = " Fievel"; auth[416] = " Fievel"; auth[417] = " Fievel"; auth[418] = " Fievel"; auth[419] = " Fievel"; auth[420] = " Fievel"; auth[421] = " Fievel"; auth[422] = " Fievel"; auth[423] = " Fievel"; auth[424] = " Fievel"; auth[425] = " Amy (Simon's Hairdresser)"; auth[426] = " Marco Le Chambre"; auth[427] = " Mrs Davis"; auth[428] = " Pete Kostiuk"; auth[429] = " Debra Canning"; auth[430] = " Contact, Help, Advice and Information Network (CHAIN) (from Martin Ferris)"; auth[431] = " Don Overall"; auth[432] = " Debra Canning"; auth[433] = " Hull Daily Mail (from Martin Ferris)"; auth[434] = " Elaine Nicholson (mistyping in her meeting notes)"; auth[435] = " Jane Harriman"; auth[436] = " Anon ( from Keith House)"; auth[437] = " Debra Canning"; auth[438] = " Jeremy Vine on Radio2"; auth[439] = " Lone McClachan"; auth[440] = " Margo Hold"; auth[441] = " KF "; auth[442] = " KF "; auth[443] = " KF "; auth[444] = " Anon "; auth[445] = " KF "; auth[446] = " KF "; auth[447] = " KF "; auth[448] = " KF "; auth[449] = " Woman in shop to her son "; auth[450] = " Anon "; auth[451] = " JW "; auth[452] = " KC "; auth[453] = " NS "; auth[454] = " NS "; auth[455] = " KF "; auth[456] = " NS "; auth[457] = " JC "; auth[458] = " DC "; auth[459] = " TS "; auth[460] = " DC "; auth[461] = " KF "; auth[462] = " LAA "; auth[463] = " CL BL "; auth[464] = " KF "; auth[465] = " KF "; auth[466] = " Fievel"; auth[467] = " Fievel"; auth[468] = " Fievel"; auth[469] = " Fievel"; auth[470] = " Theatre clerk"; auth[471] = " Monica McLoughlin"; auth[472] = " DJC "; auth[473] = " DJC "; auth[474] = " MH "; auth[475] = " DJC "; auth[476] = " Andy"; auth[477] = " DJC "; auth[478] = " Don Overall"; auth[479] = " Don Overall"; auth[480] = " Mick Lowes (soccer pundit)"; auth[481] = " Don Overall"; auth[482] = " Don Overall"; auth[483] = " BBC Radio 2 presenter"; auth[484] = " VM "; auth[485] = " 'Just Gents' hairdresser"; auth[486] = " Don Overall"; auth[487] = " Don Overall"; auth[488] = " Don Overall"; auth[489] = " Don Overall"; auth[490] = " Don Overall"; auth[491] = " Don Overall"; auth[492] = " Debra Canning"; auth[493] = " DJC "; auth[494] = " DJC "; auth[495] = " Debra Canning"; auth[496] = " Alison Cleveland"; // ISMS data goes above here. Do not change, overwrite or mess with the program below this line quoteShowing=0; function nextQuote() { // restart at 0 if done if (quoteShowing >= quotes) quoteShowing=-1; quoteShowing++; // assign the value in the textbox to the new quote document.quoteForm.quoteHere.value = quoteShowing + " of "+ quotes + "\n\n" +ism[quoteShowing] + "\n\n" + "source: " + auth[quoteShowing]; } function prevQuote() { // restart at end if on 0 if (quoteShowing <= 0) quoteShowing=quotes+1; quoteShowing--; document.quoteForm.quoteHere.value = quoteShowing + " of "+ quotes + "\n\n" +ism[quoteShowing] + "\n\n" + "source: " + auth[quoteShowing]; } function randQuote() { // Make sure you don't show the same quote twice in a row prevQuoteShowing = quoteShowing; while(quoteShowing == prevQuoteShowing) quoteShowing = Math.ceil(Math.random() *quotes); document.quoteForm.quoteHere.value = "\n\n" + ism[quoteShowing] + "\n\n" + "source: " + auth[quoteShowing]; } function lastQuote() { quoteShowing = quotes; document.quoteForm.quoteHere.value = "\n\n" +ism[quotes] + "\n\n" + "source: " + auth[quotes]; } window.onload=randQuote