// Author:The Chairman & Chief Executive // isms.org.uk // isms2002@btinternet.com // last update January 2010 quotes=365; ism=new Array(quotes); auth = new Array(quotes); ism[0] = "Examples from the ism database"; ism[1] = "ism #9: That survey is a damp duck"; ism[2] = "ism #11: We can't stand here with our caps on our heads and say the figures are correct"; ism[3] = "ism #14: Working our eyes to the bone"; ism[4] = "ism #17: You have the black areas and the white areas and in between ...... the green areas"; ism[5] = "ism #19: It's finished ............it's a squashed duck!"; ism[6] = "ism #50: I'm not putting my head on the rack"; ism[7] = "ism #55: The solicitor hadn't got a case to stand on"; ism[8] = "ism #59: Working hand over foot"; ism[9] = "ism #64: Throwing a fly into the works"; ism[10] = "ism #66: Pull the other bell, it's got legs on"; ism[11] = "ism #67: I suppose I'll have to chip-up and cough-in"; ism[12] = "ism #85: He can't tell one hand from the left"; ism[13] = "ism #88: Fancy showing all of your cards to the deck"; ism[14] = "ism #92: As flat as a die"; ism[15] = "ism #94: That's a double-barrelled sword"; ism[16] = "ism #102: That's just another hurdle we'll have to carry"; ism[17] = "ism #109: He was as brown as a badger"; ism[18] = "ism #110: That will make the feathers fly"; ism[19] = "ism #111: Drunk as a wheel barrow"; ism[20] = "ism #112: He drinks like there's no yesterday"; ism[21] = "ism #113: He's got a brain like a cows udder"; ism[22] = "ism #114: He's a nasty piece of fish"; ism[23] = "ism #115: He's in hot weather over that mistake"; ism[24] = "ism #116: You've hit the nose on the head there"; ism[25] = "ism #122: Now you're just picking hairs"; ism[26] = "ism #125: He wants to sit on both ends of the fence"; ism[27] = "ism #128: He was caught in a cleft fist"; ism[28] = "ism #130: We'll all be left with cheek on our faces"; ism[29] = "ism #132: The laugh will be on my hands then"; ism[30] = "ism #134: Don't give up the towel"; ism[31] = "ism #135: I think they've been sold a black pig"; ism[32] = "ism #136: Don't unrest any stones"; ism[33] = "ism #147: All the can was on my shoulders"; ism[34] = "ism #148: With all that work he'll be chained hand and sink"; ism[35] = "ism #149: He's just wool in sheep's clothing"; ism[36] = "ism #150: That's no problem off my nose"; ism[37] = "ism #151: That's put the shit among the pigeons"; ism[38] = "ism #158: That's just bad grapes"; ism[39] = "ism #165: The contractors will be laughing down a drain by now"; ism[40] = "ism #167: He's running by the hare and hounds"; ism[41] = "ism #172: I'm not putting my head on the rack to get hung"; ism[42] = "ism #174: I'm better than any one of them put together"; ism[43] = "ism #178: He was new and was just feeling his feet"; ism[44] = "ism #179: We've missed the boat of no return"; ism[45] = "ism #181: The onus is back on our shoulders"; ism[46] = "ism #189: He knows Gateshead like the back of his head"; ism[47] = "ism #200: They were having fighty-cuffs"; ism[48] = "ism #201: We've had a few cross swords"; ism[49] = "ism #202: He's in a different frame of mood"; ism[50] = "ism #203: Tight as a camel's arse in a snow storm"; ism[51] = "ism #205: He should be put down and shot"; ism[52] = "ism #207: He was on the crest of a peak of a wave"; ism[53] = "ism #211: He just sat and bit his teeth"; ism[54] = "ism #212: I'm not as green as I'm carrot looking"; ism[55] = "ism #214: I'm not putting my head on the line"; ism[56] = "ism #218: She's was just bouncing the drum"; ism[57] = "ism #220: He uses backshop and cornerhand methods"; ism[58] = "ism #228: I would have chickened out and cried sheep"; ism[59] = "ism #230: He doesn't rub salt with me"; ism[60] = "ism #235: He was just cracking the big stick"; ism[61] = "ism #239: You can't sliver spoon them all the time"; ism[62] = "ism #246: That's the name of the ball we're in"; ism[63] = "ism #255: That's a round about robin way to do it"; ism[64] = "ism #256: We'll have to do a red robin around the districts"; ism[65] = "ism #260: He's just sitting on the hedge"; ism[66] = "ism #262: He's as bent as a ten pound note"; ism[67] = "ism #263: Geoff is Jim's second-hand man"; ism[68] = "ism #266: He went at it like a raw dog"; ism[69] = "ism #267: She was brought up with a silver dish"; ism[70] = "ism #268: The proof's in the pudding"; ism[71] = "ism #270: That'll put the cookie amongst the crumble"; ism[72] = "ism #272: Running around like a long-lost sheep"; ism[73] = "ism #274: He was getting a major share of the lion's cake"; ism[74] = "ism #275: That's food to my ears"; ism[75] = "ism #283: His lip is too big for his boots"; ism[76] = "ism #287: That's no skin off my back"; ism[77] = "ism #288: That's got that stomach off my chest"; ism[78] = "ism #289: He keeps turning up like a rolling stone"; ism[79] = "ism #291: He'll rue every hair on his head"; ism[80] = "ism #294: It was an under-the-carpet job"; ism[81] = "ism #296: He drives me round the pole"; ism[82] = "ism #299: That'll set the fat amongst the pigeons"; ism[83] = "ism #302: It died a duck"; ism[84] = "ism #310: Let's pull out all the strings"; ism[85] = "ism #313: I'll keep my ears peeled"; ism[86] = "ism #316: I'm just flogging my head against a brick wall"; ism[87] = "ism #319: Which came first ..... the bacon or the egg"; ism[88] = "ism #320: I didn't know the answer off the top of my hat"; ism[89] = "ism #321: You've hit the nail on the thumb there"; ism[90] = "ism #323: You're too good for your own cheeky"; ism[91] = "ism #324: I have no freedom ..... my eyes are tied behind my back"; ism[92] = "ism #326: It depends on which side of the fence you talk to"; ism[93] = "ism #330: You escaped in the skin of time"; ism[94] = "ism #336: You'll be waiting here 'til the sun comes home"; ism[95] = "ism #337: He's got more money than Methuselah"; ism[96] = "ism #341: Let's see how it sucks"; ism[97] = "ism #342: He's a big fish in a little Poland"; ism[98] = "ism #345: He was running around like a scalded fly"; ism[99] = "ism #350: He took to it like a donkey to water"; ism[100] = "ism #351: She's just feathering her own bed"; ism[101] = "ism #358: That meeting was a damp squid"; ism[102] = "ism #364: Let's take the bull by the nails"; ism[103] = "ism #365: You've been singing like a fish all week"; ism[104] = "ism #371: Like a cat on hot tin bricks"; ism[105] = "ism #373: Buttering their own nest"; ism[106] = "ism #374: Feathering their own bread"; ism[107] = "ism #379: I don't know the answer off the top of my hat"; ism[108] = "ism #381: I had to pull out all of the strings in the book"; ism[109] = "ism #383: It went straight as a whistle"; ism[110] = "ism #385: White as a feather"; ism[111] = "ism #389: It went down like a dead balloon"; ism[112] = "ism #393: That's put a spoke in his wheel"; ism[113] = "ism #399: People don't give a can of worms about that"; ism[114] = "ism #402: They're like two peas in a drum"; ism[115] = "ism #405: Some of them are still green behind the ears"; ism[116] = "ism #409: It certainly had the crowd on the seat of their chairs"; ism[117] = "ism #412: He's worth his weight in salt"; ism[118] = "ism #413: He had all the day in the world to play that shot"; ism[119] = "ism #420: He couldn't organise a cock-up in a brewery"; ism[120] = "ism #422: There won't be a dry house in the stadium"; ism[121] = "ism #437: I've managed to nail it in the bud"; ism[122] = "ism #444: Dangling from his own rod"; ism[123] = "ism #445: Making a mountain out of a sand hill"; ism[124] = "ism #450: I'm running around like a blue-faced fly"; ism[125] = "ism #457: It's a long road that leads nowhere"; ism[126] = "ism #459: Thrashing about in the dark like a blue-arsed fly"; ism[127] = "ism #462: He's new, he's still green behind the ears"; ism[128] = "ism #463: They won't lose any sleepless nights over this"; ism[129] = "ism #464: Up the creek without a canoe"; ism[130] = "ism #465: He went at it like a bull at a cow"; ism[131] = "ism #466: He might be as well hung as a sheep or a lamb"; ism[132] = "ism #489: We'll just build that bridge when we cross it"; ism[133] = "ism #491: I think the builders could sense that we were a bit green behind the ears"; ism[134] = "ism #533: Open your ears and smell the coffee"; ism[135] = "ism #574: The last thing we need here is another black apple rocking the boat"; ism[136] = "ism #581: Keep your fingers peeled"; ism[137] = "ism #582: I put my foot down with a firm hand"; ism[138] = "ism #586: The early worm gets the bird"; ism[139] = "ism #589: He is battling on thin ice"; ism[140] = "ism #590: He is as sharp as a button"; ism[141] = "ism #596: Don't mince hairs!"; ism[142] = "ism #602: He was like a shark through butter"; ism[143] = "ism #608: Barking up a wild goose"; ism[144] = "ism #618: We need to ensure that we are all singing from the same playing field"; ism[145] = "ism #619: That will go down like a ton of lead balloons"; ism[146] = "ism #620: It's enough to drive you up the bend"; ism[147] = "ism #622: It's as easy as falling off a piece of cake"; ism[148] = "ism #623: He doesn't mince his punches"; ism[149] = "ism #628: You've sent me up here on a false goose leg!"; ism[150] = "ism #634: That put the wind of God up me!"; ism[151] = "ism #639: Every worm has his day"; ism[152] = "ism #644: That's hit two birds with one stone"; ism[153] = "ism #651: Galloping around like a blue-arsed chicken!"; ism[154] = "ism #664: That's put a cog in the works!"; ism[155] = "ism #669: It's all pie in the moon"; ism[156] = "ism #670: I couldn't give a monkey's coot"; ism[157] = "ism #674: He was all over the road without a paddle"; ism[158] = "ism #677: He's as bent as a ten bob note"; ism[159] = "ism #697: You want to be careful, you're treading on thin air"; ism[160] = "ism #718: You have no idea what you're getting in to. You're just chewing the tip of the iceberg."; ism[161] = "ism #724: It's not worth the salt it's written on"; ism[162] = "ism #727: You can take a duck to water, but you can't make it drink"; ism[163] = "ism #728: This lot are sheep in wolf's clothing"; ism[164] = "ism #735: The chickens have come home to roost with a bang!"; ism[165] = "ism #736: Make sure we're all battling from the same hymn sheet"; ism[166] = "ism #739: We don't want that to become a crutch we can hide behind"; ism[167] = "ism #740: If we can't get the data, we'll just have to wing it from the hip"; ism[168] = "ism #748: The proof of the pudding is in the pie"; ism[169] = "ism #749: We'll burn that bridge when we meet it"; ism[170] = "ism #751: If he does that again, I'll come down on him like a house on fire"; ism[171] = "ism #752: He went out of the room with his tail between his teeth"; ism[172] = "ism #753: I'm stretched from pillar to post"; ism[173] = "ism #756: He gets right up my goat!"; ism[174] = "ism #762: Don't count all your eggs too soon"; ism[175] = "ism #764: Well, that's opened a can of beans"; ism[176] = "ism #765: He could talk the wheel off a horse"; ism[177] = "ism #784: Stop bullshitting around the bush!"; ism[178] = "ism #786: We should maybe hammer a few pegs into the ground just to make sure we're all singing from the same hymn sheet"; ism[179] = "ism #792: I'm as dry as a shark"; ism[180] = "ism #793: It's as dead as a nit"; ism[181] = "ism #797: Like teaching a curate to suck eggs"; ism[182] = "ism #817: Honestly, it's like banging your head up against a brick window!"; ism[183] = "ism #820: He was clear as a button"; ism[184] = "ism #821: The proof will be in the pudding"; ism[185] = "ism #824: If you want one you'd better hurry, they're selling like hens teeth"; ism[186] = "ism #829: Running round like tits in a trance"; ism[187] = "ism #831: It won't be long before you can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel!"; ism[188] = "ism #836: Let's get this ball on the road!"; ism[189] = "ism #838: Not to worry, I've got my foot under the door already!"; ism[190] = "ism #840: That's a turnaround for the books"; ism[191] = "ism #841: Nip it in the bud at the thin end of the wedge"; ism[192] = "ism #847: I won't be shoe-horned into a cul-de-sac!"; ism[193] = "ism #848: That's just oil under the troubled bridge!"; ism[194] = "ism #852: You're getting a bit too clever for your boots!"; ism[195] = "ism #854: I've shot myself in the back and stabbed myself in the foot!"; ism[196] = "ism #856: Now go on - take your hook!"; ism[197] = "ism #869: You've been in the job for months, you must have your feet firmly under the carpet"; ism[198] = "ism #871: Master of all trades and jack of the land"; ism[199] = "ism #877: From egg-corns deformed oaks will grow"; ism[200] = "ism #882: This is going to be a close run ship"; ism[201] = "ism #883: He has a bee between his bonnet"; ism[202] = "ism #884: I've been left out to rack and dry"; ism[203] = "ism #889: We've had more snow than you can shake a stick at!"; ism[204] = "ism #901: I had them eating putty out of my hands"; ism[205] = "ism #908: They've shot the hand that laid the golden goose"; ism[206] = "ism #914: He put his finger right on the nail"; ism[207] = "ism #927: They're looking down the barrel of an unwanted record"; ism[208] = "ism #929: Barking up a blind alley"; ism[209] = "ism #932: That's entirely a horse of a different kettle of fish!"; ism[210] = "ism #933: Barking up a dead horse!"; ism[211] = "ism #934: They've tasted the other side of the coin too many times!"; ism[212] = "ism #941: It's different when the boot's in the other court!"; ism[213] = "ism #945: That's let the bean out of the bag!"; ism[214] = "ism #948: I've been sold down the drain!"; ism[215] = "ism #956: Ah-hah! The upper hand is on the other foot!"; ism[216] = "ism #959: Take that advice with a dose of salts!"; ism[217] = "ism #961: He bled like a stuffed pig!"; ism[218] = "ism #983: I'll be hung, drawn and gallowed."; ism[219] = "ism #985: I know you're busy, but it's not just a cruise in the woods you know."; ism[220] = "ism #990: If we're looking at it as a diving board for the next stage, we may as well retranch into our shell."; ism[221] = "ism #994: If you did that, you'd crack two birds with one stone!"; ism[222] = "ism #1003: Some of our staff don't quite shoe-horn into our keystone."; ism[223] = "ism #1006: I thought you might want to sit where the sun sets, drinking its cocktails."; ism[224] = "ism #1013: That fish I had for lunch was delicious, it just rolled of the tip of my tongue!"; ism[225] = "ism #1034: You can argue 'til you're blue in the teeth!"; ism[226] = "ism #1035: Well done, that really has put the jam on the cake!"; ism[227] = "ism #1037: I couldn't seem to make head nor sense of it!"; ism[228] = "ism #1047: I've had enough of this, we need to kill it on the head.....now!"; ism[229] = "ism #1054: I wouldn't do that for all the money in China!"; ism[230] = "ism #1058: Don't count your chicken's 'til the ink's dry!"; ism[231] = "ism #1061: You're just scratching the tip of the iceberg!"; ism[232] = "ism #1078: Then, woe & betide, this happens!"; ism[233] = "ism #1109: I don't mind putting my head on the parapet."; ism[234] = "ism #1115: He may not be the brightest apple in the barrel, but he does his best."; ism[235] = "ism #1121: Right, that’s it, the snail has turned!"; ism[236] = "ism #1122: Well, just don’t go cutting all your bridges"; ism[237] = "ism #1123: I just don’t know what to do, I’m going to sit on the gate over this one"; ism[238] = "ism #1124: The noise you were making last night! You were snoring like a fish!"; ism[239] = "ism #1125: Oh, just look at that dog, it’s full of the beans of spring"; ism[240] = "ism #1135: Colin was the flavour of Geoff's eye."; ism[241] = "ism #1137: That’s really set the fly amongst the pigeons."; ism[242] = "ism #1143: It's all bridge under the water!"; ism[243] = "ism #1147: Your barking on the wrong end of the stick!"; ism[244] = "ism #1150: I don't want to bang my own trumpet, but ...."; ism[245] = "ism #1168: My brother is a real live cannon."; ism[246] = "ism #1174: It sounds like you're using a sledgehammer to crack a molehill."; ism[247] = "ism #1176: I was frozen at the hilt."; ism[248] = "ism #1179: That dog's as mad as a hatter from planet cuckoo land."; ism[249] = "ism #1186: I wish I could be a fly in their soup!"; ism[250] = "ism #1187: I'm cracking my head off!"; ism[251] = "ism #1191: I suppose they expect him to pull the string out the hat again!"; ism[252] = "ism #1193: Well that 1 - 0 has got us a foot in the hat for Saturday's draw"; ism[253] = "ism #1197: He's got his finger on the ball today!"; ism[254] = "ism #1202: I just wanted to make sure that we were batting from the same score sheet. "; ism[255] = "ism #1214: It's a headless chicken and egg scenario. "; ism[256] = "ism #1217: His reputation is going down like a stone on fire. "; ism[257] = "ism #1222: Honestly, some people couldn't organise a pee-up in a brothel. "; ism[258] = "ism #1233: That would really drive him round the wall, wouldn't it? "; ism[259] = "ism #1244: Get by through the skin of our pants"; ism[260] = "ism #1248: We must be careful not to go barking off down the wrong path"; ism[261] = "ism #1255: But the spanner in the ointment is . . . . "; ism[262] = "ism #1273: I've had enough of him now, he really is skating on thin water."; ism[263] = "ism #1276: Its really quiet for Christmas shopping at the moment, it’s the storm before the teacup."; ism[264] = "ism #1278: I'm sure you're trying to drive me up the bats."; ism[265] = "ism #1283: I tried calling him until I was mad in the face."; ism[266] = "ism #1286: I just can't work like this, my machine is a world unto itself."; ism[267] = "ism #1290: That idea doesn't wear water with you, does it?"; ism[268] = "ism #1306: I'm not as thick as cabbage looking am I?"; ism[269] = "ism #1310: They had everything at their reception, it was all whistles and flutes."; ism[270] = "ism #1324: Talk about calling wolf."; ism[271] = "ism #1326: I'll show her the rough end of my tongue."; ism[272] = "ism #1327: There's something wrong but I can't quite put my head on it."; ism[273] = "ism #1329: That's not my idea of a cup of tea."; ism[274] = "ism #1340: She's as mad as two short planks."; ism[275] = "ism #1349: You need to grab the nettle by the throat and shake it."; ism[276] = "ism #1371: If people are off sick then we will have to step into the brink!"; ism[277] = "ism #1376: I'll have to bite the bull by the horns"; ism[278] = "ism #1379: That's the cheapest thing since sliced bread"; ism[279] = "ism #1383: We're just floating a kite at them"; ism[280] = "ism #1384: He's as tough as old socks!"; ism[281] = "ism #1402: He's bitten off the wrong end of the stick"; ism[282] = "ism #1417: He was as busy as a one-legged man in a forest fire"; ism[283] = "ism #1421: I've taken to it like water off a ducks back"; ism[284] = "ism #1427: Everything in the henhouse was fine until a double-edged sword came flying in."; ism[285] = "ism #1433: He's winding up a can of worms."; ism[286] = "ism #1436: I got given a white cat…it was as deaf as a dodo."; ism[287] = "ism #1437: I just don't follow your food of thought."; ism[288] = "ism #1438: I made your suggestion…it went down like a tonne of milk."; ism[289] = "ism #1440: I thought that company was dead, but it has risen from the phoenix."; ism[290] = "ism #1442: I was working, long before you were an apple in your mother's eye."; ism[291] = "ism #1447: I'm not going to jack in the towel."; ism[292] = "ism #1450: It’s a case of don't shoot me I'm the piano player."; ism[293] = "ism #1453: It's like trying to crack a sledgehammer with a nut."; ism[294] = "ism #1454: Lets get the bull by the nose."; ism[295] = "ism #1457: Now you're rubbing salt into the woods."; ism[296] = "ism #1460: She's as mad as two short planks."; ism[297] = "ism #1463: They've gone down hill, like a bat out of hell."; ism[298] = "ism #1465: We're not sitting on the same hymn seat."; ism[299] = "ism #1469: You need to grab the nettle by the throat and shake it."; ism[300] = "ism #1479: He really has put a spoke in the wheel."; ism[301] = "ism #1482: From now on I'm going to keep a firm eye on him!"; ism[302] = "ism #1483: I fought hammer, tooth and nail"; ism[303] = "ism #1489: That's no sweat off my back."; ism[304] = "ism #1492: He's as bent as a £5 note"; ism[305] = "ism #1500: If it goes on like this people will walk with their feet. (vote with their feet)."; ism[306] = "ism #1505: When we are funtioning on all four pistons ………"; ism[307] = "ism #1506: I'm caught between a rock and a hard case!"; ism[308] = "ism #1508: He'll knock seven bells of shit out of him! (Overheard at work, regarding an upcoming boxing match)"; ism[309] = "ism #1511: I'm going to bite the bull by it's horn"; ism[310] = "ism #1515: But we'll burn that bridge when we come to it"; ism[311] = "ism #1516: We haven't done that for donks! (mix of donkey's years and yonks)"; ism[312] = "ism #1519: He was as black as a witch's t*t!"; ism[313] = "ism #1522: don't want to put all your eggs in one boat because you don't know which one will come in and then you'll not know whether to sink or swim"; ism[314] = "ism #1525: we'll not have a bean to lean against"; ism[315] = "ism #1530: I've got some Gremlins in the fire"; ism[316] = "ism #1531: that's the final bolt in the coffin"; ism[317] = "ism #1542: I've made my decision and I'm going to lie in it"; ism[318] = "ism #1543: It weighs a fortune"; ism[319] = "ism #1550: not the brightest chip on the block"; ism[320] = "ism #1554: they're spending money like a man with no arms"; ism[321] = "ism #1561: like it! she was over the world"; ism[322] = "ism #1565: that rings a name"; ism[323] = "ism #1568: then you're not grouping everyone together and casting them all with the same stick"; ism[324] = "ism #1569: its like watching steam set"; ism[325] = "ism #1575: its like swings and horses"; ism[326] = "ism #1576: he's got the ears of a hawk"; ism[327] = "ism #1578: I'd love to be a mole on the wall in the dressing room at half-time"; ism[328] = "ism #1580: well there's enough there to suck off and see"; ism[329] = "ism #1581: we're ticking through"; ism[330] = "ism #1583: as happy as a dog in shite"; ism[331] = "ism #1591: we're batting in the dark on that one"; ism[332] = "ism #1596: there's been too much time under the bridge"; ism[333] = "ism #1597: you've got to stick your head above the parapet for it to go wrong"; ism[334] = "ism #1598: if its not one its half a dozen of the other"; ism[335] = "ism #1603: you can't make an egg without cracking eggs"; ism[336] = "ism #1611: well that's let the fish out of the bag"; ism[337] = "ism #1614: stuck between a cat and a hot tin roof"; ism[338] = "ism #1632: You are scratching at straws."; ism[339] = "ism #1635: He is as deaf as a bat"; ism[340] = "ism #1649: That's the Bees Bollocks."; ism[341] = "ism #1668: Barking would suite you up the wall."; ism[342] = "ism #1669: It looks like we're both batting from the same hymn sheet."; ism[343] = "ism #1673: His approach is slaphazard."; ism[344] = "ism #1674: I'm now going to put my head in the lion's noose."; ism[345] = "ism #1682: Don't dampen my bubble."; ism[346] = "ism #1683: I'm sailing by the skin of my teeth."; ism[347] = "ism #1684: Grasp the nettle by the horns."; ism[348] = "ism #1686: He was as sharp as a button."; ism[349] = "ism #1688: As soon as she hears the nod."; ism[350] = "ism #1698: Whatever your swings your boat."; ism[351] = "ism #1704: Malcolm! Off the tip of your head……"; ism[352] = "ism #1705: I am as deaf as a bat"; ism[353] = "ism #1718: They misunderestimated me"; ism[354] = "ism #1746: This job is a double-edged chalice"; ism[355] = "ism #1753: Sorry for sending you round the Gooseberry Bush."; ism[356] = "ism #1759: All that is left to do now is to cross the I's and dot the t's. "; ism[357] = "ism #1772: The left hand doesn't know what the right arm is doing"; ism[358] = "ism #1775: Are you reading that paper you're sitting on?"; ism[359] = "ism #1776: We're splitting a fine tooth comb"; ism[360] = "ism #1777: He's just blowing his own drum again!"; ism[361] = "ism #1781: He's got another beef in his bonnet"; ism[362] = "ism #1784: There's not enough room in here to swing a carrot"; ism[363] = "ism #1788: But unless they buck their socks up………"; ism[364] = "ism #1803: No point pouring water in a wet blanket"; ism[365] = "ism #1804: You can't teach an old dog to change his spots"; auth[0] = ""; auth[1] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[2] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[3] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[4] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[5] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[6] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[7] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[8] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[9] = " Anne Martin"; auth[10] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[11] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[12] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[13] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[14] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[15] = " Bob Evans"; auth[16] = " Terry Wogan"; auth[17] = " Ian Bowley's brother-in-law"; auth[18] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[19] = " An unknown Planner/Estimator"; auth[20] = " An unknown Planner/Estimator"; auth[21] = " An unknown Planner/Estimator"; auth[22] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[23] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[24] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[25] = " Alan Woods"; auth[26] = " Alan Woods"; auth[27] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[28] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[29] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[30] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[31] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[32] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[33] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[34] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[35] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[36] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[37] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[38] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[39] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[40] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[41] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[42] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[43] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[44] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[45] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[46] = " Ian Bowley's brother-in-law"; auth[47] = " Anne Martin"; auth[48] = " Bob Evans"; auth[49] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[50] = " Anne Martin"; auth[51] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[52] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[53] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[54] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[55] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[56] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[57] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[58] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[59] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[60] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[61] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[62] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[63] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[64] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[65] = " Alan Woods"; auth[66] = " Anne Martin"; auth[67] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[68] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[69] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[70] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[71] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[72] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[73] = " Phil Carruthers"; auth[74] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[75] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[76] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[77] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[78] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[79] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[80] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[81] = " Anon"; auth[82] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[83] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[84] = " Ian Bowley"; auth[85] = " Ian Bowley"; auth[86] = " Gordon Scott"; auth[87] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[88] = " Hilary East"; auth[89] = " Alan Burnett"; auth[90] = " Anon father to young son"; auth[91] = " Local Government Officer"; auth[92] = " Local Government Officer"; auth[93] = " Richard O'Brien (from Crystal Maze)"; auth[94] = " Anon shop customer"; auth[95] = " Teri Waters"; auth[96] = " Jim Belford"; auth[97] = " John Griffiths"; auth[98] = " John Griffiths"; auth[99] = " Anon (from Paul Finch)"; auth[100] = " Margaret Finch"; auth[101] = " Ray Morris"; auth[102] = " Ray Morris"; auth[103] = " Freda Andrews"; auth[104] = " Jim Belford"; auth[105] = " Ray Morris"; auth[106] = " Ray Morris"; auth[107] = " NHS Trust Officer"; auth[108] = " John Griffiths"; auth[109] = " Richard Pottinger"; auth[110] = " Anon (from Jim Belford)"; auth[111] = " Local Government Officer"; auth[112] = " Anon (from Jim Belford)"; auth[113] = " Radio 4 interviewee"; auth[114] = " Anon (from Jim Belford)"; auth[115] = " Radio 2 News"; auth[116] = " John Fashanu"; auth[117] = " NHS Trust Officer"; auth[118] = " Russ Pottinger"; auth[119] = " Anon"; auth[120] = " Mark Lawrenson"; auth[121] = " British gas engineer"; auth[122] = " Bill Consitt "; auth[123] = " Bill Consitt "; auth[124] = " Bill Consitt "; auth[125] = " Bill Consitt "; auth[126] = " Bill Consitt "; auth[127] = " Bill Consitt "; auth[128] = " Bill Consitt "; auth[129] = " Bill Consitt "; auth[130] = " Bill Consitt "; auth[131] = " The President of the ISMS"; auth[132] = " Sales Manager"; auth[133] = " Property developer on Channel 4 TV"; auth[134] = " Anon (from Graeme Hunt)"; auth[135] = " Anon (from Adrian Shandley)"; auth[136] = " Anon (from Adrian Shandley)"; auth[137] = " Anon"; auth[138] = " Anon (from Iain Harris)"; auth[139] = " Anon (from Iain Harris)"; auth[140] = " Anon (from Iain Harris)"; auth[141] = " Anon"; auth[142] = " Howard Linden "; auth[143] = " Wendy Redwood"; auth[144] = " Anon (from Peter Wood)"; auth[145] = " Anon (from Peter Wood)"; auth[146] = " Anon (from Peter Wood)"; auth[147] = " Anon (from Vic Storey)"; auth[148] = " Anon (from Vic Storey)"; auth[149] = " Roger Lovell's daughter in law"; auth[150] = " Steve Mould"; auth[151] = " Krishna Hickman"; auth[152] = " Anon (from Claire Eccles)"; auth[153] = " Anon (from friend of Karen)"; auth[154] = " Vanessa Miller"; auth[155] = " Anon (from Laurie Hawkes)"; auth[156] = " Anon (from Laurie Hawkes)"; auth[157] = " Anon (from Laurie Hawkes)"; auth[158] = " Anon (from Nichola Fairless)"; auth[159] = " Donna Smith"; auth[160] = " Mark Barker"; auth[161] = " Anon (from Peter Wood)"; auth[162] = " Business man on phone (from Graham Robinson)"; auth[163] = " Lisa, from Big Brother"; auth[164] = " Andrew Allen "; auth[165] = " Stanley G Wilson"; auth[166] = " Wes Clark"; auth[167] = " Charlie Byers"; auth[168] = " Michelle Howchin (from Faye Lester)"; auth[169] = " Anon (Mark Oppenheim)"; auth[170] = " Managing director (from Laurence Wilson)"; auth[171] = " Manager (from Laurence Wilson)"; auth[172] = " Manager (from Laurence Wilson)"; auth[173] = " Company director (from Laurence Wilson)"; auth[174] = " Michelle Howchin (from Faye Lester)"; auth[175] = " Anon (from Emma Birks)"; auth[176] = " Anon (from Andrew Tonkin)"; auth[177] = " Mark Halsall's wife"; auth[178] = " Anon (from Richard Treadgold)"; auth[179] = " David Prestwich"; auth[180] = " David Prestwich"; auth[181] = " Anon teacher (from John Amos)"; auth[182] = " Adrian Roll's partner"; auth[183] = " Anon (from Peter Wood)"; auth[184] = " Anon (from Peter Wood)"; auth[185] = " Mark Rose"; auth[186] = " Sarah"; auth[187] = " Heidi Berry's brother"; auth[188] = " Anon (from George Dent)"; auth[189] = " Lis Christie"; auth[190] = " Alec Swindon"; auth[191] = " Mark Dolan"; auth[192] = " Fievel"; auth[193] = " Geoff Norris"; auth[194] = " Anon Police Constable"; auth[195] = " Anon Police Constable"; auth[196] = " Anon Police Constable"; auth[197] = " Anon (from Dean Stocks)"; auth[198] = " Fievel"; auth[199] = " Fievel"; auth[200] = " Fievel"; auth[201] = " Fievel"; auth[202] = " Fievel"; auth[203] = " Eustonlads"; auth[204] = " Joe Papworth"; auth[205] = " George Reynolds, ex-Chair of Darlington FC (from Ian Bowley)"; auth[206] = " Anon (from Iain Harris)"; auth[207] = " TV Soccer commentator - Portugal v Russia (from James Spearing)"; auth[208] = " Tara McAdams' old boss, Frank"; auth[209] = " Anon (from Chris & Kerry Ellicot)"; auth[210] = " Anon (from Tony Missio)"; auth[211] = " TV Soccer commentator (from James Spearing)"; auth[212] = " Richard Traynier"; auth[213] = " Elsie (from Ian Bowley)"; auth[214] = " Winston Peters (from Graham Barton)"; auth[215] = " Stuart MacDiarmid's son"; auth[216] = " Sandy McGivern"; auth[217] = " Mrs C Keyte's sister, Maria"; auth[218] = " Fievel"; auth[219] = " Fievel"; auth[220] = " Fievel"; auth[221] = " Fievel"; auth[222] = " Fievel"; auth[223] = " Fievel"; auth[224] = " Tim"; auth[225] = " Lynn Clark"; auth[226] = " Fievel"; auth[227] = " Fievel"; auth[228] = " Fievel"; auth[229] = " Tim"; auth[230] = " Anon (from Iain Harris)"; auth[231] = " Anon (from Iain Harris)"; auth[232] = " Neil Warnock, Sheffield United soccer manager"; auth[233] = " Fievel"; auth[234] = " Fievel"; auth[235] = " Brenda"; auth[236] = " Brenda"; auth[237] = " Brenda"; auth[238] = " Brenda"; auth[239] = " Brenda"; auth[240] = " Fievel"; auth[241] = " Fievel"; auth[242] = " Anon (from Gareth Parkinson)"; auth[243] = " Anon (from Robert Nestor)"; auth[244] = " Sir Malcolm Rifkin MP (from Nic Cleveland)"; auth[245] = " T B Watts"; auth[246] = " Fievel"; auth[247] = " Fievel"; auth[248] = " Fievel"; auth[249] = " C J Wiemann"; auth[250] = " C J Wiemann"; auth[251] = " Anon (from JP Sullivan)"; auth[252] = " Gary Bennet (Sunderland AFC pundit)"; auth[253] = " Anon (from Ian Bowley)"; auth[254] = " Fievel"; auth[255] = " Fievel"; auth[256] = " Fievel"; auth[257] = " Fievel"; auth[258] = " Fievel"; auth[259] = " John Vercoe"; auth[260] = " Anon (from Michael Frain)"; auth[261] = " Anon Audit Manager (from Sarah Wishart)"; auth[262] = " Fievel"; auth[263] = " Fievel"; auth[264] = " Fievel"; auth[265] = " Fievel"; auth[266] = " Fievel"; auth[267] = " Fievel"; auth[268] = " Fievel"; auth[269] = " Fievel"; auth[270] = " Sadie-Kate Furniss"; auth[271] = " Liddy Lewis"; auth[272] = " Liddy Lewis"; auth[273] = " Mrs Le Page"; auth[274] = " Fievel"; auth[275] = " Fievel"; auth[276] = " Debra Canning"; auth[277] = " Jeff Carlton"; auth[278] = " Don Overall"; auth[279] = " Don Overall"; auth[280] = " Don Overall"; auth[281] = " Don Overall"; auth[282] = " Anon (from Alec Sewell)"; auth[283] = " Brian, Big Brother, 10.8.07 (from Sheila Hull)"; auth[284] = " Fievel"; auth[285] = " Fievel"; auth[286] = " Fievel"; auth[287] = " Fievel"; auth[288] = " Fievel"; auth[289] = " Fievel"; auth[290] = " Fievel"; auth[291] = " Fievel"; auth[292] = " Fievel"; auth[293] = " Fievel"; auth[294] = " Fievel"; auth[295] = " Fievel"; auth[296] = " Fievel"; auth[297] = " Fievel"; auth[298] = " Fievel"; auth[299] = " Fievel"; auth[300] = " Mrs V"; auth[301] = " Peggy Mitchell, Eastenders, 13/09/07"; auth[302] = " Anon (from Keith House)"; auth[303] = " Anil Vadehra"; auth[304] = " Don Overall"; auth[305] = " Debra Canning"; auth[306] = " Debra Canning"; auth[307] = " Don Overall"; auth[308] = " Anon (from David Morgan)"; auth[309] = " Shelley Teague"; auth[310] = " Anon (from Martin Ferris)"; auth[311] = " Sylvia Pottinger"; auth[312] = " Don Overall"; auth[313] = " KF (from Neil Seago)"; auth[314] = " KF (from Neil Seago)"; auth[315] = " Anon (from Neil Seago)"; auth[316] = " KF (from Neil Seago)"; auth[317] = " KF (from Neil Seago)"; auth[318] = " KF (from Neil Seago)"; auth[319] = " Anon (from Neil Seago)"; auth[320] = " KF (from Neil Seago)"; auth[321] = " Anon (from Neil Seago)"; auth[322] = " NS (from Neil Seago)"; auth[323] = " KF (from Neil Seago)"; auth[324] = " KF (from Neil Seago)"; auth[325] = " KF (from Neil Seago)"; auth[326] = " Anon (from Neil Seago)"; auth[327] = " RA (from Neil Seago)"; auth[328] = " KF (from Neil Seago)"; auth[329] = " KF (from Neil Seago)"; auth[330] = " DC (from Neil Seago)"; auth[331] = " KF (from Neil Seago)"; auth[332] = " BA (from Neil Seago)"; auth[333] = " KF (from Neil Seago)"; auth[334] = " KF (from Neil Seago)"; auth[335] = " KF (from Neil Seago)"; auth[336] = " KF (from Neil Seago)"; auth[337] = " KF (from Neil Seago)"; auth[338] = " KF (from Neil Seago)"; auth[339] = " GR (from Neil Seago)"; auth[340] = " CB (from Neil Seago)"; auth[341] = " Sheila (from Neil Seago)"; auth[342] = " Fievel"; auth[343] = " Fievel"; auth[344] = " Fievel"; auth[345] = " Fievel"; auth[346] = " Fievel"; auth[347] = " Fievel"; auth[348] = " Marco Le Chambre"; auth[349] = " Richie Wilko"; auth[350] = " Heather from (Neil Seago)"; auth[351] = " PC (from Neil Seago)"; auth[352] = " Nancy (from Neil Seago)"; auth[353] = " USA President G W Bush (now ex-president)"; auth[354] = " Andrew Motion, Poet Laureate"; auth[355] = " DJC (from Neil Seago)"; auth[356] = " PH "; auth[357] = " Debra Canning"; auth[358] = " Don Overall"; auth[359] = " Don Overall"; auth[360] = " Don Overall"; auth[361] = " Rose Sprugitt"; auth[362] = " Don Overall"; auth[363] = " Len Goodman ('Strictly' judge)"; auth[364] = " Andy"; auth[365] = " Andy"; quoteShowing=0; function nextQuote() { // restart at 0 if done if (quoteShowing >= quotes) quoteShowing=-1; quoteShowing++; // assign the value in the textbox to the new quote document.quoteForm.quoteHere.value = quoteShowing + " of "+ quotes + "\n\n" +ism[quoteShowing] + "\n\n" + "source: " + auth[quoteShowing]; } function prevQuote() { // restart at end if on 0 if (quoteShowing <= 0) quoteShowing=quotes+1; quoteShowing--; document.quoteForm.quoteHere.value = quoteShowing + " of "+ quotes + "\n\n" +ism[quoteShowing] + "\n\n" + "source: " + auth[quoteShowing]; } function randQuote() { // Make sure you don't show the same quote twice in a row prevQuoteShowing = quoteShowing; while(quoteShowing == prevQuoteShowing) quoteShowing = Math.ceil(Math.random() *quotes); document.quoteForm.quoteHere.value = "\n\n" + ism[quoteShowing] + "\n\n" + "source: " + auth[quoteShowing]; } function lastQuote() { quoteShowing = quotes; document.quoteForm.quoteHere.value = "\n\n" +ism[quotes] + "\n\n" + "source: " + auth[quotes]; } window.onload=randQuote