Shop assistants
| What they say: | What they mean: |
| Good morning, madam | Another customer to mess up my counter displays! |
| Can I help you, madam? | Am I starting to annoy you yet? |
| Can I help you to find your size, madam? | Although I doubt we have any circus tents in stock, porky! |
| No, sorry, all we have is out on display. | I can’t be bothered to go out back and check |
| We should have some coming in later this week | I can’t be bothered to go out back and check |
| Suits you, sir | I’m on commission and lying through my teeth |
| Can I help you, madam? | The floor-walker is coming and I need to look busy |
| Don’t worry about refolding that, I can do it | Thanks a bunch! That’s the third time this morning! |
| Sorry, I’m with another customer at present | Bog off! I don’t like the look of you! |
| Sorry, I’m with another customer at present | It’s nearly break time, I’m not starting with you now! |
| Of course that item is still fashionable, sir. | With my grandfather |
| It would make an ideal present | For someone who is colour blind |
| How would you like to pay, madam | Get on with it, woman |
| Is that cash, account or credit card, madam? | I’m just about to start winding you up |
| Are you collecting the store bonus points? | Am I starting to annoy you yet? |
| Would you like cash back? | I bet I’m starting to annoy you now |
| Would you like a coupon for the petrol station? | I bet I’m really starting to annoy you now |
| Do you have a store card? | I bet I’m really, really starting to annoy you now |
| Would you like a store aced application form? | I bet I’m really, really, really starting to annoy you now |
| Sorry, but you card has been rejected! | Just kidding, but that’s a lovely shade of red you’ve turned |
| Ah, you’re card has been cleared now | But the people behind are still staring at you |
| Can I help you to your car with those, madam? | Say yes and you’re dead meat! |
| Have a nice day | No, tip? !!@:*&**&* you! |
| Have a nice day | Good, can I get back to reading the paper now? |
