// Author:The Chairman & Chief Executive
// isms.org.uk
// isms2002@btinternet.com
// last update February 2010

quotes=40;
ism=new Array(quotes);
auth = new Array(quotes);
ism[0] = "Examples from the ism database";
ism[1] = "ism #140: All that intense work was certainly bog-minding";
ism[2] = "ism #164: Drop up a drough raft";
ism[3] = "ism #194: Get a piece of pen and a paper handy";
ism[4] = "ism #197: The bettering of brud";
ism[5] = "ism #292: He threw his ring into the hat";
ism[6] = "ism #331: The car was flashing its horn and honking its lights";
ism[7] = "ism #411: That was (Joe Bloggs) playing Bach on the horpsicard";
ism[8] = "ism #414: He died at the age of five-ty eight (85)";
ism[9] = "ism #419: Check to see if I've got any new wail maiting";
ism[10] = "ism #455: The Royal Arse Hortillery";
ism[11] = "ism #456: The Light Dutch Tata Review";
ism[12] = "ism #498: You join us in time for today's Wee-Tears derby game. (should be Wear-Tees)";
ism[13] = "ism #546: Blind dogs for the guides….";
ism[14] = "ism #556: I would like three walls of rollpaper please";
ism[15] = "ism #640: I suppose these customs officers are trying to catch smug drugglers";
ism[16] = "ism #647: Every Tuesday he has wheels on meals";
ism[17] = "ism #657: He's only grass-high to a kneehopper!";
ism[18] = "ism #823: Bonfire night will be safer because of the new self and hasty regulations";
ism[19] = "ism #862: Like a slaughter to the lambs!";
ism[20] = "ism #898: That'll be one large beesechurger, please!";
ism[21] = "ism #973: A 12-inch bolognaise without pizza, please!";
ism[22] = "ism #1062: I'll have a pork of bag scratchings please!";
ism[23] = "ism #1066: I feel like a part at a spare wedding";
ism[24] = "ism #1177: My brother is about to return to the country after five years out as a tex axle.";
ism[25] = "ism #1189: when you look at it in the day light of cold ....";
ism[26] = "ism #1256: But Roith Ravers (Raith Rovers) have scored again!";
ism[27] = "ism #1270: That's mind-dumbingly boring.";
ism[28] = "ism #1301: She's got PMT - pre-tensural mention.";
ism[29] = "ism #1375: I need a new partridge for my crinter";
ism[30] = "ism #1422: Sheringham - where you get seafish and shellfood";
ism[31] = "ism #1435: I fought for that, noose and tail.";
ism[32] = "ism #1495: This steam cleaner will get into all the little crooks and all the little nannys";
ism[33] = "ism #1501: We need something to make these teas pasty! (peas tasty)";
ism[34] = "ism #1512: I've got some recipe books on wook cocking. (wok cooking)";
ism[35] = "ism #1609: electroplating is done in hoiling bot water";
ism[36] = "ism #1641: Cross Travement Prolley.";
ism[37] = "ism #1739: I used to like that, Square Bob Sponge Pants";
ism[38] = "ism #1763: Will you have a look at the stoor day (door stay). ";
ism[39] = "ism #1771: I have submitted a poster on Balls and Fone Health to the conference";
ism[40] = "ism #1813: I've never been in a place where I can hear the thaw snowing.";
auth[0] = "";
auth[1] = " The President of the ISMS";
auth[2] = " The President of the ISMS";
auth[3] = " Geoff Martin";
auth[4] = " The President of the ISMS";
auth[5] = " Brian Mackley";
auth[6] = " Alan Candlish";
auth[7] = " Classic FM RADIO - Mike Reid";
auth[8] = " Radio 2 News";
auth[9] = " Russ Pottinger";
auth[10] = " BBC2 TV commentator at Trooping of the colour";
auth[11] = " Russ Pottinger";
auth[12] = " BBC Radio Newcastle commentator";
auth[13] = " early Blue Peter show (from Roger Dey)";
auth[14] = " Store customer (from Marie Johnson)";
auth[15] = " Colin Perry's daughter";
auth[16] = " Anon (from Suzanne & Tim)";
auth[17] = " Anon (from James Reynolds)";
auth[18] = " Pam (from Bernard Reeves)";
auth[19] = " Anon Police Constable";
auth[20] = " Anon (from Kenny)";
auth[21] = " Tony Pottinger";
auth[22] = " Anon (from Iain Harris)";
auth[23] = " Fievel";
auth[24] = " Fievel";
auth[25] = " Michael Frain";
auth[26] = " Jeff Stelling, Sky Sports Anchorman";
auth[27] = " Fievel";
auth[28] = " Fievel";
auth[29] = " Anon (from Martin Ferris)";
auth[30] = " Debra Canning";
auth[31] = " Fievel";
auth[32] = " Demonstrator on idealworld TV";
auth[33] = " Russ Pottinger";
auth[34] = " Paul Arnold";
auth[35] = " KF (from Neil Seago)";
auth[36] = " DC (from Neil Seago)";
auth[37] = " DJC (from Neil Seago)";
auth[38] = " DJC";
auth[39] = " Debra Canning";
auth[40] = " DJC ";


// ISMS data goes above here. Do not change, overwrite or mess with the program below this line
quoteShowing=0;
function nextQuote()
{
  // restart at 0 if done
  if (quoteShowing >= quotes) quoteShowing=-1;
  quoteShowing++;
  // assign the value in the textbox to the new quote
document.quoteForm.quoteHere.value = quoteShowing + " of "+ quotes + "\n\n" +ism[quoteShowing] + "\n\n" + "source: " + auth[quoteShowing];
}
function prevQuote()
{
  // restart at end if on 0
  if (quoteShowing <= 0) quoteShowing=quotes+1;
  quoteShowing--;
  document.quoteForm.quoteHere.value = quoteShowing + " of "+ quotes + "\n\n" +ism[quoteShowing] + "\n\n" + "source: " + auth[quoteShowing];
}
function randQuote()
{ 
  // Make sure you don't show the same quote twice in a row
  prevQuoteShowing = quoteShowing;
  while(quoteShowing == prevQuoteShowing)
    quoteShowing = Math.ceil(Math.random() *quotes);
  document.quoteForm.quoteHere.value =  "\n\n" + ism[quoteShowing] + "\n\n" + "source: " + auth[quoteShowing];
}

function lastQuote()
{
  quoteShowing = quotes;
  document.quoteForm.quoteHere.value =  "\n\n" +ism[quotes] + "\n\n" + "source: " + auth[quotes];
}

window.onload=randQuote